Dakota (Ch 24)

We held that gaze for a moment. Blink. We both blinked simultaneously. I removed my hand. Her face gently dropped and tilted to the left. Her eyes, still wet, batted. The soft curve from her cheek and chin met her neck. The allure seemed to return. I remembered why I had loved her. I remembered that beautiful face. It seemed as though we were in slow motion. She stared into my eyes, her head still slightly tilted down and off to one side. I stared back as if in a trance. I could see she had some semblance of sanity remaining. I saw the girl I once I knew.

"I have too many questions. I don't know where to begin."

She was still trying to compose herself. She wiped the corners of her eyes with her shirt sleeves. She ran her hands through her hair and then spoke.

"Neither do I. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry Jake."

"You're sorry? For what?"

"I don't know. This situation is just so messed up. I don't know. I don't know what to think."

"Let's just start from the beginning. How did this happened?"

She was surprised. She had expected him to be even more angered with the announcement that she was carrying his child. He was showing compassion, empathy. He actually cared. He wanted to know. He didn't hate her anymore. She wasn't sure how to react. She had prepared herself for a different result. She tried to regroup. She had been ready to yell, to scream, to prove her point. Now she didn't need to. She had to convey the entire story without preparation. She had to eliminate the anger that she knew she would need. She refocused. She just didn't expect this reception. He sat waiting. His eyes were concerned. His hands embraced hers.

"Rebekah?"

"Sorry. I was just thinking. Um...well, I got the surprise much like you did. I wasn't expecting this at all. I had no idea I was pregnant."

"What do you mean? When did you find out?"

"Not until I was already here."

"What? How is that possible?"

"I gained a little wait but I just chalked that up to stress eating due to our breakup. A lot of things were going on. I ignored it all. I didn't think it was possible. I thought it was all because you were gone."

"So when did you find out then?"

"The night I wrecked my car into the tree out here. They ran all sorts of tests when I was in the hospital."

"And--"

"And they told me I had a broken leg. The doctor was gentle and followed it up with, 'Also, you should have told us you were pregnant.' I didn't know what to say to him. I had no idea. So eventually we talked about it. You know, the details. Anyway. I'm due on May 2nd."

"Have you told your mom?

"No. And I don't plan to. Not yet. I need to figure things out first. If I tell her, she will either make me come home or she will come here. I don't want that. I need to think. I need to plan. Then I can tell her."

"She's your mother. She needs to know."

"I know. I know. I wanted to tell her. But I can't yet. I can't"

"What are you going to do?"

"What do you mean? It's your baby!"

"I don't want to be a jerk, Beka, but are we sure about that?"

"What the hell are you saying?"

"What am I saying? Beka, you slept with him. I walked in. I saw. It could be his. I'm not saying that it is, but it could be."

"What if it was?"

"If it's his? Then it's his responsibility."

"And that's it. Just like that."

"You can't expect me to be involved, if it's his kid!"

"God dammit Jake, it's not his. He wore a condom."

"They're not 100% effective. You know that."

"Seriously. I can't believe you. I can't believe you're doing this. It's your baby!"

"Maybe it is. And I will love that baby to death if it is. But I want a paternity test. I'm not raising someone else's kid."

"Fine."

"Fine. What do I have to do? Piss in a cup? I'll do it now."

"No. I'll talk to the doctor. I'll find out."

"I'm not trying to be a deadbeat. I get it. I do. If it's my baby, I will totally support you, money, time, whatever. But I need to know that it's my child."

"OK Jake, OK. We'll do it. I'll call him and let him know. This is not going to go over well."

I didn't know what to think. Could I be a father? I could be a father. In two months. In two months, I could be a father. I wanted to be a dad for so long. But I didn't want it like this. I didn't. Things were too complicated. I told Rebekah three years ago that I wanted a kid. She said she was too young to be a mom. Too young. She was in her early twenties. There are kids who barely hit puberty toting around infants. Dad. Someone could be calling me Dad. I longed to hear that. I longed to hold a baby in my arms and rock them to sleep. To wake up at three in the morning to feed them. I was ready for all of it. But not like this.

She sat calmly across from me. She was not happy. She was not mad. She was frustrated. She wanted me to just accept this. I couldn't do that. I don't understand how she thought I could. It was unfair to ask me to.

"I'm sorry. But I need some time to process this. I need to let it sink in."

"Take all the time you need Jake."

She rose and began climbing the stairs.

"No. I meant I need space. I need to be able to focus."

"What?"

"I think you need to go back to the hotel for right now."

"You're asking me to leave? Now?"

I stood my ground.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I know it's not polite. It's not accommodating. But you can't be here right now. I can't have you here."

"Jake, I can't believe you're serious!"

"To be honest, I was about to ask you to leave anyway. Janie will be home soon. I can't have the two of you here at once. It's too much work. I need to focus on keeping her well."

"Too much work? How is that possible? I've been doing everything around here! You don't do a damn thing!"

"Beka, I told you, I'm sorry. But it's time. There is way too much for me to deal with right now. Having you here will only make it worse. It'll only be harder."

"If that's what you want. Fine. Fine!"

"Fine."

"I'll get my things."

She stomped up the stairs and I listened as she threw things around her room. I exhaled deeply. I glanced at my watch. Janie would be home soon. I shouldn't. It was terrible timing. But I couldn't avoid it. I needed a drink. I unlocked the cabinet. I quickly poured myself a double of scotch. I downed it. I poured another. I locked the cabinet again and returned the key to its proper place. I felt better.

"Rebekah?"

She didn't respond. I moved to the foot of the steps. For a moment, my mind flashed back to that day I took my painful trip down the stairs. I winced.

"Rebekah?"

"What?"

She was very unhappy.

"I was just making sure you were alright. Are you OK? Do you need me to help you?"

She appeared outside her door. Her luggage was at her side.

"No. I don't need your help."

She perched at the top of the stairs.

"Do you have everything?"

"Yeah I have it all."

The bell rang. Janie was home. Janie was home. This wasn't good timing. This was very bad timing. This is what I was trying to avoid. I turned on my heels and headed for the door. I grasped the knob and took a deep breath. Blink. Nothing to do but turn and pull. I pulled the door towards me.

"Jake? Jake you look so good! I'm so glad that you are doing better! I've missed you. It's been too long. You should have called me sooner."

"Oh, Karen. Uh, I'm sorry. I'm sure I look a bit bewildered. I think I lost track of my days. Is today Tuesday?"

"Jake, don't worry me. It's Wednesday. I'm sorry, weren't you expecting me?"

"No, no, I was. I was just expecting you tomorrow. I guess I'm a day behind."

She laughed softly and stepped inside. I closed the door behind her.

"Who is it Jake? Who's at the door?"

I heard her coming down the stairs. She trudged down with her luggage. This was worse than Janie coming home. Much worse.

"Who is it? Who is she Jake?"

"Rebekah, this is Karen. Karen Jameson. We went to high school together."

"But why is she here?"

"She was my nurse when I was in the hospital."

"But why is she here Jake?"

Karen was uncomfortable. It was written on her face. I didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry I didn't catch your name. I'm Karen."

She extended her hand to Rebekah. Rebekah stared down at it and then up at Karen's face.

"What are you doing here? Jacob is fine. I've been taking care of him. He doesn't need looking after anymore."

"Oh, that's not why I'm here. I'm not here to check up on him"

I was lost. I didn't know what to do. I watched without protest.

"So then why?"

Karen remained very calm. I liked that about her. Rebekah was highly agitated. She was pushy, irritated. Karen was still smiling.

"I don't believe I understand. Jake who is this?"

She turned to me. She pulled me back into it.

"Uh...uh..."

"Jake?"

"Karen, this is Rebekah. We were together for a few years when I lived in Chicago."

"Oh, this is Rebekah. I don't think I understand what she's doing here though."

"You? You don't understand? I still want to know what you're doing here! Jake, who is this woman?"

"Rebekah, like I said. Karen and I went to high school together. We reconnected when I was in the hospital because she was my nurse. Um...she's my date tonight."

There I said it. It was out there. There was no taking it back. Things were about to get ugly. I could feel it. And there was nothing I could do about it.

"Your date? Your date! Are you out of your mind? Jacob! Dammit!"

"Rebekah, I don't think it's any of your business what he and I do."

"The hell it is! I'm standing here carrying his baby and he's waltzing women around right in front of me!"

"I'm sorry you're what? He's what? His baby?"