Rain pelted the glass. The drops stung the panes and raced down to the sill. The porch was no protection. Puddles pooled at the curb's edge. Mud swirled into the pure liquid, contaminating it. Other than the final few that clung to the branches overhead, leaves clogged the drain as the muddy water tried to escape to the aquifers beneath the pavement. The wind whipped heaven's tears down the street. He sat by the window, safe and dry. He tried to see through the gray. He sat patiently and waited. Soon his love would return. It was that time. She would appear around the corner. She would cross the street and come down the block. He would catch that first glimpse and his heart would skip a beat. It happened every day. He couldn't avoid it. He couldn't, no matter how much he tried to prepare himself for it. He loved her. When she climbed the stairs to the front door, his heart would race. He'd let her in, kiss her. That was about as much as he could handle. He truly loved her. She was his everything.
She tried to hurry, but she didn't make it. She tried to run, but her legs wouldn't carry her fast enough. She saw the flashing orange hand. Her umbrella was stowed securely beneath the driver's seat of her car. It offered her no protection. She stepped into the crosswalk. She held her bag overhead. It was a futile effort, but she continued nonetheless. There was not a moment's notice. There was no avoiding it.
From across the street, he watched. Every movement crawled by as a sloth going uphill. He wanted to do something, he wanted to warn her. But there was no stopping it. There was no way to save her. He lunged from his spot by the window, tripped over the leg of the coffee table and limped to the front door. He swung it open and yelled a warning to her. The sound of the rain colliding with metal, glass, and pavement drowned out his call. She didn't even look up. She never turned to the side. She never altered her course. There were no brakes. The driver didn't slow. The driver didn't stop. He fell to his knees as she rolled up the hood of the grey sedan. He screamed and looked to the sky. There was no reply to his why. He heard the impact. He felt the pain. He was helpless as her lifeless form met the pavement. The sedan disappeared into the storm. He was shattered. She was broken.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Without
Happiness cannot be appreciated without sadness.
Sound without silence.
Light without darkness.
Winning without losing.
Knowledge without ignorance.
Wealth without poverty.
Food without hunger.
Health without sickness.
Life without death.
Sound without silence.
Light without darkness.
Winning without losing.
Knowledge without ignorance.
Wealth without poverty.
Food without hunger.
Health without sickness.
Life without death.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Stars Collide
The universe is disinterested.
The world is discontent.
The air is stale.
The wind does not blow.
Rain does not quench.
Snow does not melt.
The sun does not shine.
The moon does not rise.
Medicine does not heal.
Surgery does not save.
Books do not learn.
Words do not teach.
Lies do not escape.
Theories do not answer.
Questions do not end.
Answers do not suffice.
Games do not win.
Chances do not take.
Parties do not throw.
Bars do not serve.
Stairs do not climb.
Skies do not fall.
Life is not living.
Living is life.
The world is discontent.
The air is stale.
The wind does not blow.
Rain does not quench.
Snow does not melt.
The sun does not shine.
The moon does not rise.
Medicine does not heal.
Surgery does not save.
Books do not learn.
Words do not teach.
Lies do not escape.
Theories do not answer.
Questions do not end.
Answers do not suffice.
Games do not win.
Chances do not take.
Parties do not throw.
Bars do not serve.
Stairs do not climb.
Skies do not fall.
Life is not living.
Living is life.
Dakota (Ch 29)
I awoke to the warmth of the Spring sun beating on my chest. The light broke through the thin veil of green and flooded the room. I pushed back the blankets, my eyes opening narrowly. I turned to face the window. The world appeared the same as any other day. I rested on my back again. I could see the palpitations of my heart. I watched as my chest rose and fell with each new breath. Blink. I didn't want to get up. I didn't want to face the world. I didn't want to face my life today. But this moment, this moment was without flaw.
I heard my phone vibrating on the dresser across the room. I let it go. The bed brought me comfort. It was safe. It didn't change. It didn't leave. It didn't die. The buzzing began again. I didn't move. It stopped, then restarted.
I swung my legs out to the side and placed my feet on the floor. I sat for a moment and wiped the sleep from my eyes. I stretched out my arms and yawned. I fumbled to create some sort of sense out of the chaos that was my hair. Pushing down with both hands, I stood. I walked around the end of the bed and into the bathroom. I took my morning piss and then brushed my teeth. The swishing soothed my nerves. I spit, twice, as always. I rinsed the brush and returned it to its holder. I approached the dresser with hesitance. Who had called? I assumed it had been Rebekah. I pulled open the top drawer and grabbed a pair of underwear. I slid them on, picked up my phone and sat on the bench at the window.
Four missed calls. Two voicemails. Unknown number. I pressed 'send' to call back. The voice on the other end was familiar. Donny Kahle. I immediately sensed the stress in his cadence. What I heard, I couldn't fathom. I couldn't put the pieces together. I couldn't believe it.
Holt was dead.
If I was nervous before, I was afraid now. Janie would be next. Janie was going to die. I feared there was nothing that could stop it. It felt unavoidable.
I let the sun wash across my face for a moment. I closed my eyes and just felt the warmth as I leaned my forehead on the glass. I had to keep it together for Janie. I couldn't fall apart now. Not now. I gripped my phone tightly in my palm. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. I wanted it all back. I wanted my Mom back. My Dad, Jason...Rebekah. I wanted my life back. I didn't want whatever this was. I didn't want it.
The warmth turned to heat. Sweat began to bead on my neck and chest. I left the bench and crawled back beneath the blankets that covered my bed. I didn't want to face the world today. I didn't know how. I didn't know what to do next, or where to go. I was lost. I was trapped. I couldn't live a life like this. My home confined me. It seemed to grow continually smaller. Fear and anticipation poisoned my haven.
I wrapped my arms around the pillow and rolled onto my side. I could sleep. I just needed to keep sleeping. I held my eyes shut. I wanted to go back to sleep. I could escape this. My chest pounded. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted it to stop. I couldn't hold it back any longer. My eyes grew wet. This wasn't me. I didn't do this. Jason was always emotional. I was always strong. But I felt the facade cracking. I had built a wall. I had built many walls. They were quickly being dismantled. I crumbled. I sobbed uncontrollably as I clenched my pillow. I kicked back the blankets. My legs pulled up and in. My body rocked back and forth. It was an attempt to sooth myself. But it did nothing.
I heard the shuffle of footsteps. My eyes peeled open. In the frame of the door, I saw my sister leaning calmly. I saw the wrinkle across her forehead and the concern in her gaze.
"Jake?"
"Yeah."
I swallowed hard and tried to tried to ignore my current state.
"Jake are you alright? What's the matter?"
I pulled a blanket over my body and sat on the edge of the bed I faced the wall opposite her. I wanted to avoid those eyes.
"I'm fine."
There was no confidence in my statement. I didn't even fool myself.
"Are you sure? You seem upset? I already talked to Kahle. I know it seems overwhelming."
"Huh. That's an understatement."
"But, it's going to be alright. I know it is. I've been through a lot of crap Jake. I'm still standing. I made it. And you can make it through this. I know you can. We're going to make it. We are. Look at me."
She sounded like my mother now. My wiped my eyes with back of my hands and turned to face her. Blink.
I watched as her face changed. Intensity formed.
"This is all going to be over soon. And you and me? We'll still be right here."
My head dropped into my open hands. I rubbed my face, pushing and pulling the skin as I attempted to wipe away the tension.
"Thanks. I just need to keep myself distracted. I'll be fine. Just give me a minute and I'll be down."
"Sure. No hurry. But how 'bout some pancakes?"
"Sounds perfect."
"Good."
She winked and disappeared down the stairs.
Who had I become? I didn't recognize this man. I still just wanted to go back to sleep. Sleep would offer peace.
I heard my phone vibrating on the dresser across the room. I let it go. The bed brought me comfort. It was safe. It didn't change. It didn't leave. It didn't die. The buzzing began again. I didn't move. It stopped, then restarted.
I swung my legs out to the side and placed my feet on the floor. I sat for a moment and wiped the sleep from my eyes. I stretched out my arms and yawned. I fumbled to create some sort of sense out of the chaos that was my hair. Pushing down with both hands, I stood. I walked around the end of the bed and into the bathroom. I took my morning piss and then brushed my teeth. The swishing soothed my nerves. I spit, twice, as always. I rinsed the brush and returned it to its holder. I approached the dresser with hesitance. Who had called? I assumed it had been Rebekah. I pulled open the top drawer and grabbed a pair of underwear. I slid them on, picked up my phone and sat on the bench at the window.
Four missed calls. Two voicemails. Unknown number. I pressed 'send' to call back. The voice on the other end was familiar. Donny Kahle. I immediately sensed the stress in his cadence. What I heard, I couldn't fathom. I couldn't put the pieces together. I couldn't believe it.
Holt was dead.
If I was nervous before, I was afraid now. Janie would be next. Janie was going to die. I feared there was nothing that could stop it. It felt unavoidable.
I let the sun wash across my face for a moment. I closed my eyes and just felt the warmth as I leaned my forehead on the glass. I had to keep it together for Janie. I couldn't fall apart now. Not now. I gripped my phone tightly in my palm. It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. I wanted it all back. I wanted my Mom back. My Dad, Jason...Rebekah. I wanted my life back. I didn't want whatever this was. I didn't want it.
The warmth turned to heat. Sweat began to bead on my neck and chest. I left the bench and crawled back beneath the blankets that covered my bed. I didn't want to face the world today. I didn't know how. I didn't know what to do next, or where to go. I was lost. I was trapped. I couldn't live a life like this. My home confined me. It seemed to grow continually smaller. Fear and anticipation poisoned my haven.
I wrapped my arms around the pillow and rolled onto my side. I could sleep. I just needed to keep sleeping. I held my eyes shut. I wanted to go back to sleep. I could escape this. My chest pounded. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted it to stop. I couldn't hold it back any longer. My eyes grew wet. This wasn't me. I didn't do this. Jason was always emotional. I was always strong. But I felt the facade cracking. I had built a wall. I had built many walls. They were quickly being dismantled. I crumbled. I sobbed uncontrollably as I clenched my pillow. I kicked back the blankets. My legs pulled up and in. My body rocked back and forth. It was an attempt to sooth myself. But it did nothing.
I heard the shuffle of footsteps. My eyes peeled open. In the frame of the door, I saw my sister leaning calmly. I saw the wrinkle across her forehead and the concern in her gaze.
"Jake?"
"Yeah."
I swallowed hard and tried to tried to ignore my current state.
"Jake are you alright? What's the matter?"
I pulled a blanket over my body and sat on the edge of the bed I faced the wall opposite her. I wanted to avoid those eyes.
"I'm fine."
There was no confidence in my statement. I didn't even fool myself.
"Are you sure? You seem upset? I already talked to Kahle. I know it seems overwhelming."
"Huh. That's an understatement."
"But, it's going to be alright. I know it is. I've been through a lot of crap Jake. I'm still standing. I made it. And you can make it through this. I know you can. We're going to make it. We are. Look at me."
She sounded like my mother now. My wiped my eyes with back of my hands and turned to face her. Blink.
I watched as her face changed. Intensity formed.
"This is all going to be over soon. And you and me? We'll still be right here."
My head dropped into my open hands. I rubbed my face, pushing and pulling the skin as I attempted to wipe away the tension.
"Thanks. I just need to keep myself distracted. I'll be fine. Just give me a minute and I'll be down."
"Sure. No hurry. But how 'bout some pancakes?"
"Sounds perfect."
"Good."
She winked and disappeared down the stairs.
Who had I become? I didn't recognize this man. I still just wanted to go back to sleep. Sleep would offer peace.
Friday, July 9, 2010
Dakota (Ch 28)
He knelt by the body. He had known this man for his entire life. He grew up with him. He went to school with him. They played football together. They went to Junior College together. They attended the Academy together. They weren't best of friends by any means, but they were friends, lifelong friends nonetheless. He couldn't believe it. He didn't understand. The man, the Sheriff, Lyle Holt lie lifeless in front him. Kahle tried to process. His knees were sore from being pressed against the wood floor. He didn't disturb the body. He didn't check for signs of life. He didn't try to resuscitate. There was no need. Holt was dead. The gaping hole in his chest was proof of that. Kahle didn't move. He just stared into the glassy eyes of his former boss. He tried to comprehend. He tried to piece it together. He wanted to know. There were too many questions flying around. It was like swatting at flies. They disappeared just before he could grasp them. He never had time to wrap his mind around one before another came buzzing in and distracted him. It was one nuisance after another.
He wasn't sure how long he had sat there without making a move. For a moment his mind flashed back. Guilt swelled up the back of his throat. He coughed, wiping his mouth on his shirt sleeve. Could this be his fault? Was there something he had done or set in motion that led to Holt's murder? How did this new girl not know about it?
"Hey! Hey!"
He waited for her to respond. Nothing. He didn't move, but called again.
"Hey, you...up front-new girl!"
He didn't hear a sound. There was no movement at the front of the office. He slowly rose to his feet.
"HEY!"
He was frustrated. Didn't she know? Why wasn't she answering? He slowly trekked down the hall. He muttered under his breath about incompetence and the youth of today. He was right about her. She couldn't handle it. She wouldn't last.
He approached her from behind. She sat at the computer playing Mahjong Titans. Now he was angry.
"Hey, dumbass-"
He tapped her on the shoulder. Her right hand left the mouse with unprecedented speed. She caught him by the wrist, rose from her chair, kicked it back and spun around employing a twisting maneuver to his arm. He wasn't prepared. He felt the pain. She had an extremely firm grip on his forearm. His mouth hung agape. Their eyes met. Blink. She realized her mistake and released his arm.
"What the hell?"
She blurted out, as she tugged at the white wires that led up her chest and neck to her ears. The buds fell out and she reached for the device that was tucked in her front pocket. She clicked it off.
He massaged his wrist with his left hand.
"Dammit. How loud was your music? Can't you hear anything?"
"Not that loud."
"I was yelling at you from down the hall. Yelling. Loud. How are you going to hear the phone ring?"
"When the phone rings I can feel the desk vibrate, and the lights flash and stuff...I'm sorry I didn't hear you yelling."
"Listen to me. While you were out here playing your games and listening to music, Sheriff Holt was shot and murdered in his office. You want to explain that to me? You want to tell me how that happens?"
The color evaporated from face. She slumped back into her chair. She swallowed hard and tried to wet her lips.
"He...he...he what?"
"You heard me. Holt is dead. Shot to the chest. What were you doing? Who was back there with him?"
"Um. Uh, no one since I came in. Marge left about an hour ago when I got here. Said he was back in his office, fuming about something. She told me to stay out of his way and not to bother him. I didn't even see him. He hadn't come out and I didn't go back there."
Her speech was slow. She had to work for each word. She was too fragile for this field of work.
"God. I think I'm going to throw up."
He saw her swallow hard. He reached beneath the counter and pulled out the wastebasket.
"Here. If you're gonna do it, don't make a mess. Call a bus. And then get me the FBI field office in Sioux Falls."
He stepped out from behind the desk and slowly walked back to Holt's office. Midway down the hall he heard her heave.
"That better be in the bucket. Or else go get the mop."
Back at Holt's side, Kahle pulled out his phone and took some pictures of the body, the wall, the floor, the window. He examined the body without touching it, careful to avoid the pool of blood on the floor. He looked at the window. It was still secured. He took a few turns around the room. Nothing seemed out of place. From what he could tell, it didn't appear that anything was missing. There was no note. There was no message. Just a dead body. Holt's gun was still fastened into the holster. His radio was still on. His phone was likely still in his pocket. Kahle stepped out of the office and into the hallway. He proceeded to the back exit. It was still closed. He pushed it open. A cold rain fell. It hit his skin and refreshed him. It was quiet and peaceful. It was quiet. It was quiet. It hit him. The alarm wasn't sounding. Why wasn't the emergency exit alarm going off? He inspected the red push bar that crossed the door. The wires leading into the it had been cut. But the wires were inside. He knew how the killer had escaped without being seen. But he still wasn't sure how they had managed to get into Holt's office without being noticed.
He pulled the door shut and wiped his face sleeve. He stood for a moment and thought before heading back to the body. He heard another heave from down the hall.
"Pull yourself together, kid. Where's my bus?"
"I think I'm OK now."
"That's not what I asked you."
"Um. Uh they're coming. Ten minutes."
"Good. You have my call?"
"No. I'm calling now. Sorry."
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon this shit is urgent!"
"Uh, yes. I'm calling. I just--"
"Just call."
He sat in the chair across from Holt's desk. He wasn't sure what to do next. He didn't know where to focus his attention. He couldn't ignore the events that had transpired in the office, but Janie and Jake were depending on him.
"OK, OK, I have the FBI for you on line 1."
He didn't respond. He just hurried to the other side of Holt's desk and picked up the phone.
"Agent Marks? We've got a bigger issue on our hands than I thought. Are you almost to the office?"
"I've got a dead sheriff on my hands."
"You heard me. The sheriff is dead. Shot through the chest in his own office."
"Yeah, I need at least two guys on the place on Elk River. I don't want anyone getting overwhelmed. If someone walked in here and blew him away, there's no telling what they're capable of, or where they are now."
"I'm sure it's connected. I'm glad you agree."
"I wanted this place scoured for any shred of evidence that exists. It's starting to rain so we gotta get outside before anything washes away."
"Alright, thanks. I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere. Get your team together and make sure they stay alert."
/ / /
She saw the lights of the sign from the highway. She wasn't pleased to be back in this place. She pulled her car beneath the overhang to escape the rain. She sat still for a moment before climbing out of her seat. She walked through automatic doors and approached the counter. He had said he loved her. He had acted strangely though. She didn't know what to think. Her hands rested on her belly as she stared across the counter at a blank wall. To her left there a sign hung crooked on the wall. On it was a cliched statement, "We'll strive to do our best, because we're glad you're our guest."
She leaned over and straightened the sign. She waited. No one came. She spotted a bell at the opposite end of the counter and made her way to it. She slapped her hand down on it three times. The sound echoed.
A stout man appeared from the doorway behind the desk.
"Oh why hello. Sorry to keep you waiting."
She returned to the center of the counter and focused her attention on the man before her.
"It's fine. I just need a room. I don't know for how long. A while."
"OK, well let me check. He tapped away at the keys and kept his eyes focused on the screen."
"Anything is fine. Double, King, whatever."
"Well I see here--"
He looked up to her.
"Oh, well miss, I didn't realize you were back with us?"
"Yes, well, it appears so."
He wasn't sure how long he had sat there without making a move. For a moment his mind flashed back. Guilt swelled up the back of his throat. He coughed, wiping his mouth on his shirt sleeve. Could this be his fault? Was there something he had done or set in motion that led to Holt's murder? How did this new girl not know about it?
"Hey! Hey!"
He waited for her to respond. Nothing. He didn't move, but called again.
"Hey, you...up front-new girl!"
He didn't hear a sound. There was no movement at the front of the office. He slowly rose to his feet.
"HEY!"
He was frustrated. Didn't she know? Why wasn't she answering? He slowly trekked down the hall. He muttered under his breath about incompetence and the youth of today. He was right about her. She couldn't handle it. She wouldn't last.
He approached her from behind. She sat at the computer playing Mahjong Titans. Now he was angry.
"Hey, dumbass-"
He tapped her on the shoulder. Her right hand left the mouse with unprecedented speed. She caught him by the wrist, rose from her chair, kicked it back and spun around employing a twisting maneuver to his arm. He wasn't prepared. He felt the pain. She had an extremely firm grip on his forearm. His mouth hung agape. Their eyes met. Blink. She realized her mistake and released his arm.
"What the hell?"
She blurted out, as she tugged at the white wires that led up her chest and neck to her ears. The buds fell out and she reached for the device that was tucked in her front pocket. She clicked it off.
He massaged his wrist with his left hand.
"Dammit. How loud was your music? Can't you hear anything?"
"Not that loud."
"I was yelling at you from down the hall. Yelling. Loud. How are you going to hear the phone ring?"
"When the phone rings I can feel the desk vibrate, and the lights flash and stuff...I'm sorry I didn't hear you yelling."
"Listen to me. While you were out here playing your games and listening to music, Sheriff Holt was shot and murdered in his office. You want to explain that to me? You want to tell me how that happens?"
The color evaporated from face. She slumped back into her chair. She swallowed hard and tried to wet her lips.
"He...he...he what?"
"You heard me. Holt is dead. Shot to the chest. What were you doing? Who was back there with him?"
"Um. Uh, no one since I came in. Marge left about an hour ago when I got here. Said he was back in his office, fuming about something. She told me to stay out of his way and not to bother him. I didn't even see him. He hadn't come out and I didn't go back there."
Her speech was slow. She had to work for each word. She was too fragile for this field of work.
"God. I think I'm going to throw up."
He saw her swallow hard. He reached beneath the counter and pulled out the wastebasket.
"Here. If you're gonna do it, don't make a mess. Call a bus. And then get me the FBI field office in Sioux Falls."
He stepped out from behind the desk and slowly walked back to Holt's office. Midway down the hall he heard her heave.
"That better be in the bucket. Or else go get the mop."
Back at Holt's side, Kahle pulled out his phone and took some pictures of the body, the wall, the floor, the window. He examined the body without touching it, careful to avoid the pool of blood on the floor. He looked at the window. It was still secured. He took a few turns around the room. Nothing seemed out of place. From what he could tell, it didn't appear that anything was missing. There was no note. There was no message. Just a dead body. Holt's gun was still fastened into the holster. His radio was still on. His phone was likely still in his pocket. Kahle stepped out of the office and into the hallway. He proceeded to the back exit. It was still closed. He pushed it open. A cold rain fell. It hit his skin and refreshed him. It was quiet and peaceful. It was quiet. It was quiet. It hit him. The alarm wasn't sounding. Why wasn't the emergency exit alarm going off? He inspected the red push bar that crossed the door. The wires leading into the it had been cut. But the wires were inside. He knew how the killer had escaped without being seen. But he still wasn't sure how they had managed to get into Holt's office without being noticed.
He pulled the door shut and wiped his face sleeve. He stood for a moment and thought before heading back to the body. He heard another heave from down the hall.
"Pull yourself together, kid. Where's my bus?"
"I think I'm OK now."
"That's not what I asked you."
"Um. Uh they're coming. Ten minutes."
"Good. You have my call?"
"No. I'm calling now. Sorry."
"C'mon, c'mon, c'mon this shit is urgent!"
"Uh, yes. I'm calling. I just--"
"Just call."
He sat in the chair across from Holt's desk. He wasn't sure what to do next. He didn't know where to focus his attention. He couldn't ignore the events that had transpired in the office, but Janie and Jake were depending on him.
"OK, OK, I have the FBI for you on line 1."
He didn't respond. He just hurried to the other side of Holt's desk and picked up the phone.
"Agent Marks? We've got a bigger issue on our hands than I thought. Are you almost to the office?"
"I've got a dead sheriff on my hands."
"You heard me. The sheriff is dead. Shot through the chest in his own office."
"Yeah, I need at least two guys on the place on Elk River. I don't want anyone getting overwhelmed. If someone walked in here and blew him away, there's no telling what they're capable of, or where they are now."
"I'm sure it's connected. I'm glad you agree."
"I wanted this place scoured for any shred of evidence that exists. It's starting to rain so we gotta get outside before anything washes away."
"Alright, thanks. I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere. Get your team together and make sure they stay alert."
/ / /
She saw the lights of the sign from the highway. She wasn't pleased to be back in this place. She pulled her car beneath the overhang to escape the rain. She sat still for a moment before climbing out of her seat. She walked through automatic doors and approached the counter. He had said he loved her. He had acted strangely though. She didn't know what to think. Her hands rested on her belly as she stared across the counter at a blank wall. To her left there a sign hung crooked on the wall. On it was a cliched statement, "We'll strive to do our best, because we're glad you're our guest."
She leaned over and straightened the sign. She waited. No one came. She spotted a bell at the opposite end of the counter and made her way to it. She slapped her hand down on it three times. The sound echoed.
A stout man appeared from the doorway behind the desk.
"Oh why hello. Sorry to keep you waiting."
She returned to the center of the counter and focused her attention on the man before her.
"It's fine. I just need a room. I don't know for how long. A while."
"OK, well let me check. He tapped away at the keys and kept his eyes focused on the screen."
"Anything is fine. Double, King, whatever."
"Well I see here--"
He looked up to her.
"Oh, well miss, I didn't realize you were back with us?"
"Yes, well, it appears so."
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Dakota (Ch 27)
He didn't want to enter the office. He knew there would be someone waiting to see him. He didn't want to have that conversation. He knew it would get ugly. He always had problems controlling his temper in confrontations, especially confrontations with Holt. It was inevitable, seemingly unavoidable. He wished the outcomes could be different, but it never failed. He always ended up irate for one reason or another, yelling at Holt, shouting strings of expletives that would make even a dirty sailor blush. He didn't want that again. He was going to try very hard to stay calm. He turned the knob with hesitance. He pushed his way through. Marge had already left for the day. The new girl sat behind the front desk. He didn't remember her name. And he didn't care to remind himself by asking her again. He didn't like her. She wouldn't last. He would be sure she wasn't around long. He picked up on a strange vibe from her. She wasn't thorough. She had something to hide. She smiled funny. She had an asymmetrical face. She had an odor. He couldn't pinpoint it. He just knew there was something about her that he didn't like. He followed his hunches, feelings. It's what made him a good cop. It's what got the job done. You couldn't get anywhere in his line of work without having a knack for reading people. He had developed that at an early age. He carried it with him now and he relied on it. He always listened. Years ago, in those few instances that he doubted himself, he had learned his lesson. He knew now: his hunches were always dead on.
He passed by her without a second glance. He didn't care to know her. Pleasantries weren't worth wasting. He didn't have time or concern for them, or her. He saw the light on at the end of the hall. Holt was in his office. Kahle hoped he could slide into his own office without being noticed. It was unlikely. But he attempted anyway. The longer it went, the cooler Holt would be. If he could make it until tomorrow, they'd both be better off. He just wanted to get back to his case. He wanted to learn what he could about Pablo de Amantillo. He promised Jake and Janie he would keep them safe. As it was, they were alone again. He promised them that he would keep them alive. He couldn't waste a minute. He didn't have time to deal with Holt. He didn't have time to get railroaded. But he knew it was going to happen, whether he liked it or not.
He quickly turned the corner and ducked into his office. He gently closed the door and slid behind the desk. He left the lights off, except for the small 40W bulb that lit the corner of his desk. He punched away on his keyboard. He checked all the databases he had access to. He picked up the phone. He reached his contact at the FBI. He filled in all the gaps. He didn't waste time. He gave them the information they needed. Nothing more, nothing less. Five minutes later, an agent was on their way to keep watch over the Samuels house and another was headed straight to Kahle's office. He replaced the receiver on the cradle. He picked it back up. He reassured Jake that they would be safe and they should expect an agent in under a half an hour. He wanted them to know they would be safe. He wanted them to know who was coming. He didn't want any surprises. He wanted to keep going. He wanted to. But he knew it was best to just face him. He changed his mind. He just wanted to get it over with so he could focus on the case. He had to get it out of the way. He needed to fill Holt in on the developments. He would be more angry about withheld information than the fact that Kahle had picked up Janie without any communication.
He clicked off the light and exited his office. The light was at the end of the hall was still there. Holt's door was propped open halfway. He stepped down the hall with confidence, and a quiet calm. He tapped on the door and didn't wait for a response before pushing it open the rest of the way. He walked in the office ready to deal with what he had done. He knew it was the right decision, he just had to justify himself to Holt. He was ready. Holt wasn't in the chair behind his desk. Kahle turned on his heels, somewhat pleased to be able to avoid the situation. Maybe now wasn't the time to deal with it.
Now was the time to deal with something else. It wasn't his case. It wasn't the safety of Jake and Janie Samuels. It wasn't the odd feeling he had about the new girl behind the front desk. It wasn't his contact with the FBI. It wasn't the uncouth methods he practiced in accessing information. It wasn't his bad habits or his bad relationships with the media. Kahle stood perfectly still. He didn't move. He couldn't move. He didn't have words. He couldn't muster a sound. He wasn't sure what to do. Should he call someone? He froze. His mind blanked. Blink. He felt himself moving forward. He saw himself getting closer to it. It was as if he moved in slow motion. The stain started on the wall next to the window. It was smeared down the plaster, molding, and beadboard. It pooled around the lifeless form that was heaped in the corner. He didn't need to worry about the conversation anymore.
/ / /
The day ended like any other day. The sun set over the Western plains. The light filtered through the budding trees with a pale green glow. Red, pink, orange, and yellow streaked across the horizon. Pen met page. Bottle met glass. Glass met mouth. Regret sunk in. Fear resounded.
I didn't know what to do. I knew that my life was in danger. I knew that my little sister's life was in danger. I knew that this was all because of what she had done. I wanted to be mad at her for it. I did. But I couldn't bring myself to hate her. I couldn't let anger win. Not now. I loved that girl. I always would. Right now, I wanted to protect my family. I wanted to catch this guy. I wanted to put him away. I wanted it to be over. I wanted my life back. Six months is not a long time. For me, it was lifetime. It brought an overwhelming amount of change. More than I ever thought I could handle. But I was still standing. And Janie was still standing. We were still here. I wasn't about to give up now. I wasn't going to roll over and die. That was the easy way out. I would fight back. I would claw my way to the death. I wouldn't go down without a struggle.
Janie was asleep. I was surprised how quickly she faded. It had been a long day. First day out of rehab. I couldn't imagine walking through those doors to face this, to face the life and the problems we had in front of us. She was strong. I couldn't fathom that strength. I wanted to be strong. I hoped I was as strong as she.
The desk before me was old. Indistinguishable markings covered the top. Decades of writing and generations of writers had left behind the impression of their thoughts, intentions, and emotions. It didn't take much to leave a mark in the soft wood. It was impossible to make out anything that remained, but it was the collection of what was left behind that I valued. I fingered the grooves. I traced them with the index finger of my right hand. I lost myself in the idea of what someone else had once written. This space we shared. The page lay before me. It was the only way I knew to deal with this. I could face it here alone. I threw my head back and downed another drink. The ink flowed freely.
He passed by her without a second glance. He didn't care to know her. Pleasantries weren't worth wasting. He didn't have time or concern for them, or her. He saw the light on at the end of the hall. Holt was in his office. Kahle hoped he could slide into his own office without being noticed. It was unlikely. But he attempted anyway. The longer it went, the cooler Holt would be. If he could make it until tomorrow, they'd both be better off. He just wanted to get back to his case. He wanted to learn what he could about Pablo de Amantillo. He promised Jake and Janie he would keep them safe. As it was, they were alone again. He promised them that he would keep them alive. He couldn't waste a minute. He didn't have time to deal with Holt. He didn't have time to get railroaded. But he knew it was going to happen, whether he liked it or not.
He quickly turned the corner and ducked into his office. He gently closed the door and slid behind the desk. He left the lights off, except for the small 40W bulb that lit the corner of his desk. He punched away on his keyboard. He checked all the databases he had access to. He picked up the phone. He reached his contact at the FBI. He filled in all the gaps. He didn't waste time. He gave them the information they needed. Nothing more, nothing less. Five minutes later, an agent was on their way to keep watch over the Samuels house and another was headed straight to Kahle's office. He replaced the receiver on the cradle. He picked it back up. He reassured Jake that they would be safe and they should expect an agent in under a half an hour. He wanted them to know they would be safe. He wanted them to know who was coming. He didn't want any surprises. He wanted to keep going. He wanted to. But he knew it was best to just face him. He changed his mind. He just wanted to get it over with so he could focus on the case. He had to get it out of the way. He needed to fill Holt in on the developments. He would be more angry about withheld information than the fact that Kahle had picked up Janie without any communication.
He clicked off the light and exited his office. The light was at the end of the hall was still there. Holt's door was propped open halfway. He stepped down the hall with confidence, and a quiet calm. He tapped on the door and didn't wait for a response before pushing it open the rest of the way. He walked in the office ready to deal with what he had done. He knew it was the right decision, he just had to justify himself to Holt. He was ready. Holt wasn't in the chair behind his desk. Kahle turned on his heels, somewhat pleased to be able to avoid the situation. Maybe now wasn't the time to deal with it.
Now was the time to deal with something else. It wasn't his case. It wasn't the safety of Jake and Janie Samuels. It wasn't the odd feeling he had about the new girl behind the front desk. It wasn't his contact with the FBI. It wasn't the uncouth methods he practiced in accessing information. It wasn't his bad habits or his bad relationships with the media. Kahle stood perfectly still. He didn't move. He couldn't move. He didn't have words. He couldn't muster a sound. He wasn't sure what to do. Should he call someone? He froze. His mind blanked. Blink. He felt himself moving forward. He saw himself getting closer to it. It was as if he moved in slow motion. The stain started on the wall next to the window. It was smeared down the plaster, molding, and beadboard. It pooled around the lifeless form that was heaped in the corner. He didn't need to worry about the conversation anymore.
/ / /
The day ended like any other day. The sun set over the Western plains. The light filtered through the budding trees with a pale green glow. Red, pink, orange, and yellow streaked across the horizon. Pen met page. Bottle met glass. Glass met mouth. Regret sunk in. Fear resounded.
I didn't know what to do. I knew that my life was in danger. I knew that my little sister's life was in danger. I knew that this was all because of what she had done. I wanted to be mad at her for it. I did. But I couldn't bring myself to hate her. I couldn't let anger win. Not now. I loved that girl. I always would. Right now, I wanted to protect my family. I wanted to catch this guy. I wanted to put him away. I wanted it to be over. I wanted my life back. Six months is not a long time. For me, it was lifetime. It brought an overwhelming amount of change. More than I ever thought I could handle. But I was still standing. And Janie was still standing. We were still here. I wasn't about to give up now. I wasn't going to roll over and die. That was the easy way out. I would fight back. I would claw my way to the death. I wouldn't go down without a struggle.
Janie was asleep. I was surprised how quickly she faded. It had been a long day. First day out of rehab. I couldn't imagine walking through those doors to face this, to face the life and the problems we had in front of us. She was strong. I couldn't fathom that strength. I wanted to be strong. I hoped I was as strong as she.
The desk before me was old. Indistinguishable markings covered the top. Decades of writing and generations of writers had left behind the impression of their thoughts, intentions, and emotions. It didn't take much to leave a mark in the soft wood. It was impossible to make out anything that remained, but it was the collection of what was left behind that I valued. I fingered the grooves. I traced them with the index finger of my right hand. I lost myself in the idea of what someone else had once written. This space we shared. The page lay before me. It was the only way I knew to deal with this. I could face it here alone. I threw my head back and downed another drink. The ink flowed freely.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Dakota (Ch 26)
I watched her turn the car around and begin its journey up the lane. When she was winding out of sight, I hurried back to the door and made my way to the chair opposite Janie and Kahle.
"What's going on?"
"Jake. I know who killed Jason."
I didn't understand. I wanted to hear these words for so long. I had waited patiently for the moment when I would hear them. But how did Janie know? And why was she the one talking. They both looked uneasy. I could tell Janie was trying to sooth herself.
"I don't understand. You know? How do you know?"
"It's a long story Jake. I don't know what Holt and Kahle have told you about my past, my time out of the country, but I know."
"Slow down. I'm lost. Explain Janie. How can you know who killed Jason?"
I turned to Kahle.
"Did you arrest him?"
"Jake. Look. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. Things I don't really know that I'm ready to share with you. I know that's hard to understand. I know that's hard to accept and I know that's not what you want to hear right now. But listen to me--"
"Fine. Just tell me."
"Jake, I was living with this guy in Costa Rica. He wasn't a good guy. He was a dealer, a trafficker. I got mixed up in all of it. My life was a mess. I'm sorry."
"Janie don't apologize to me. Let's stay focused on what's important right now. What does this have to do with Jason?"
"I'm getting to that. So he sent me to Venezuela to meet with someone for him. I was afraid. I had wanted to run, so I took that as my opportunity. I went North. I came home."
"I don't see any connection."
"I left Costa Rica at the end of August, Jake. I came back to the U.S. but I took a vacation. You know I didn't show up here until Christmas."
"So you're telling me that this guy tried to kill you but got Jason? It's a stretch Janie."
"You don't know Pablo. You don't. Listen. I have no doubts that this was him. He did it."
"Why kill Murphy?"
"We don't know yet. Maybe he was a witness, maybe he got in the way."
"But it was months later that he died."
"I know. We're still trying to piece that together. That's Kahle's assignment. But listen to me now Jacob..."
She leaned forward and put her hand on my knee. She stared intently into my eyes. Blink.
"In the investigation, Kahle contacted the authorities down there. That means they know I'm alive. It's the only way he would know to contact them. They'll share that with Pablo. He'll know he killed the wrong person. And he'll come back. He'll come back to finish this."
"Why?"
"Because I can bring him down."
I couldn't process it all. Jason was murdered by accident. Janie was the real target? If I had been ten minutes earlier...I would be dead too. That state trooper...she saved my life.
"What now?"
Kahle sat up.
"Right now, I think it best for both of you to stay put. Don't make any rash decisions. Don't leave town."
"That seems kinda backwards, don't you think?"
"No. If you run, he'll chase you. We know the case here. We know the players. We can help. I've already contacted the FBI to help us out. They'll be able to provide us with extra man power to keep you under surveillance. They'll be able to help us track this guy down and catch him before he comes back."
"How long until we think he'll show up?"
"She doesn't think it'll be him. He'll send someone. We'll have to go after him on his turf. I'm going to try my best to deal with the police there, but like she said that could be a challenge."
"So what are we supposed to do? Sit and wait?"
"Unfortunately, that's all you can do right now."
"Shit. Are you serious Kahle? I don't go many places, but I can't be a prisoner here."
"That's fine. You can still go places. Just don't venture out of Wessington. And try to keep us posted where you are going, what you're doing, so that we can keep a careful watch."
"It's gonna be OK Jake. They'll get him. I know it."
She stepped over to my chair and sat on my lap. I felt like we were kids again. Just for a moment. I hugged her. I held her tight.
"You're strong. You're so strong. I love you. I'm just glad you're home."
"What's going on?"
"Jake. I know who killed Jason."
I didn't understand. I wanted to hear these words for so long. I had waited patiently for the moment when I would hear them. But how did Janie know? And why was she the one talking. They both looked uneasy. I could tell Janie was trying to sooth herself.
"I don't understand. You know? How do you know?"
"It's a long story Jake. I don't know what Holt and Kahle have told you about my past, my time out of the country, but I know."
"Slow down. I'm lost. Explain Janie. How can you know who killed Jason?"
I turned to Kahle.
"Did you arrest him?"
"Jake. Look. I did a lot of things I'm not proud of. Things I don't really know that I'm ready to share with you. I know that's hard to understand. I know that's hard to accept and I know that's not what you want to hear right now. But listen to me--"
"Fine. Just tell me."
"Jake, I was living with this guy in Costa Rica. He wasn't a good guy. He was a dealer, a trafficker. I got mixed up in all of it. My life was a mess. I'm sorry."
"Janie don't apologize to me. Let's stay focused on what's important right now. What does this have to do with Jason?"
"I'm getting to that. So he sent me to Venezuela to meet with someone for him. I was afraid. I had wanted to run, so I took that as my opportunity. I went North. I came home."
"I don't see any connection."
"I left Costa Rica at the end of August, Jake. I came back to the U.S. but I took a vacation. You know I didn't show up here until Christmas."
"So you're telling me that this guy tried to kill you but got Jason? It's a stretch Janie."
"You don't know Pablo. You don't. Listen. I have no doubts that this was him. He did it."
"Why kill Murphy?"
"We don't know yet. Maybe he was a witness, maybe he got in the way."
"But it was months later that he died."
"I know. We're still trying to piece that together. That's Kahle's assignment. But listen to me now Jacob..."
She leaned forward and put her hand on my knee. She stared intently into my eyes. Blink.
"In the investigation, Kahle contacted the authorities down there. That means they know I'm alive. It's the only way he would know to contact them. They'll share that with Pablo. He'll know he killed the wrong person. And he'll come back. He'll come back to finish this."
"Why?"
"Because I can bring him down."
I couldn't process it all. Jason was murdered by accident. Janie was the real target? If I had been ten minutes earlier...I would be dead too. That state trooper...she saved my life.
"What now?"
Kahle sat up.
"Right now, I think it best for both of you to stay put. Don't make any rash decisions. Don't leave town."
"That seems kinda backwards, don't you think?"
"No. If you run, he'll chase you. We know the case here. We know the players. We can help. I've already contacted the FBI to help us out. They'll be able to provide us with extra man power to keep you under surveillance. They'll be able to help us track this guy down and catch him before he comes back."
"How long until we think he'll show up?"
"She doesn't think it'll be him. He'll send someone. We'll have to go after him on his turf. I'm going to try my best to deal with the police there, but like she said that could be a challenge."
"So what are we supposed to do? Sit and wait?"
"Unfortunately, that's all you can do right now."
"Shit. Are you serious Kahle? I don't go many places, but I can't be a prisoner here."
"That's fine. You can still go places. Just don't venture out of Wessington. And try to keep us posted where you are going, what you're doing, so that we can keep a careful watch."
"It's gonna be OK Jake. They'll get him. I know it."
She stepped over to my chair and sat on my lap. I felt like we were kids again. Just for a moment. I hugged her. I held her tight.
"You're strong. You're so strong. I love you. I'm just glad you're home."
Dakota (Ch 25)
Gravel crunched beneath the tires. She couldn't take the anticipation. She hated the suspense. She wanted to be at the door, in the house. She needed to be there for him. She needed to tell him. She stared past the glass as the trees went by. It would be a few weeks before the leaves returned. She saw only brown and gray. She wished for green. The current state of the woods reminded her of her grim situation. She was in danger. Her family was in danger. She was afraid. Why wasn't he going faster? It was taking forever. She could run faster than this. She wanted to run. The idea of physical exertion eased her nerves. Running would make it better. She would feel better, calmer. Her mind was tired. Her body should be too.
"Go! God dammit Kahle! Hit the gas!"
"We're fine Janie. We'll be there soon. Try to stay calm."
"I'm trying, alright, I am. But I'm afraid for my brother. I don't want anything to happen to him, so just drive!"
"You need to stay calm. You need to be calm when we tell him."
"We? No, I'm telling him. This is my mess. I'm going to be the one talking. You need to just keep your eyes and ears open and keep us safe!"
"That's what I plan to do."
"Good!"
"Take some deep breaths."
He directed the car onto the dirt lane that led to the Samuels' house. A cloud formed behind the car. He readjusted his fingers on the wheel. He gripped tighter. He was trying to keep his nerves suppressed. For Janie's sake. He couldn't let her see his concern. He was tense. He wasn't sure what his next move was. How could he really protect them? He couldn't be with them 24/7. They were going to be alone at some point. They couldn't leave. It was best for them to stay here. It was best for them if they didn't try to run. De Amantillo would come. Or he would send someone. He just had to be prepared for that moment. He had avoided Holt's calls. He was sure there was going to be a lengthy argument. He wasn't looking forward to it. But he needed to talk to Holt now. They needed to work together from here. It had to be a team. He should have thought about that sooner. Holt could be persuaded. He could have approached the situation differently. But it was too late now. He just needed to keep going forward. He couldn't let himself think about what had already happened. He couldn't live in the past and the mistakes. That's how people get killed. He needed to focus on the case in front of him. Janie and Jake Samuels were in jeopardy. He needed to ensure they were safe. He needed to ensure that Pablo de Amantillo was behind bars. He needed to get justice for Jason Samuels and Robert Murphy IV. It was up to him now. His action or inaction would decide the outcome. It was in his hands.
He slowed to a stop at the edge of the front walk. The cloud of dust caught them and surrounded the car. Janie rushed to escape her seat. He caught her arm.
"Janie. You need to be calm. Take it slow. Deep breaths. Let's do this."
His voice was forceful. She was going to talk but he wanted to control this situation. He wanted to temper her mood. She needed to approach this the right way. She closed her eyes and lowered her head, inhaling deeply. She pursed her lips and let out a long slow breath. She rolled her neck, feeling it crack. She wiggled her fingers and then stepped out of the car. He followed her lead. She turned and looked across the top of the car. He was watching her. Their eyes met. Blink. They were ready.
/ / /
She held the phone to her ear. It was difficult to understand the voice on the other end.
"Yes. Yes. Like I said. She was sent home today."
She glanced out the window.
"That's what they told me. Mmhmm. Yes."
She wound the cord around her index finger.
"Sir, I don't have all the details...Yes...the last time I saw her? I don't understand."
She needed to end the call. She had things to do. She didn't like where this conversation was headed.
"I already explained that to you. I don't know what else you expect me to say. I think we're done here, sir."
She bit her bottom lip.
"No. No. I need to go."
She quickly placed the receiver back on the wall. She knew better.
/ / /
Kahle and Janie reached the door. They were hesitant to knock. There were two cars in the driveway already. Neither were familiar, both had South Dakota tags. But one had a rental emblem. Kahle didn't like that. It was a bad vibe. He was cautious. He knocked lightly. He heard voices within. He knocked firmly. The voices halted. He waited. The door opened.
"Janie!"
The awkward assembly in my living room was growing, but I was so happy to see her back home. I had been waiting for this day.
"Hi Jake."
She seemed less enthusiastic. Had her struggle already began? Was she a different person apart from drugs and alcohol?
"Are you OK, Janie?"
She moved to the sofa and sat. Rebekah and Karen stood silent. Kahle remained in the frame of the open door.
"I'm fine, but we need to sit down. I need to talk to you."
"You sure? You look a little pale. Do you want a glass of water?"
I headed toward the kitchen. The other three figures remained motionless. I paid them no attention.
"Who are these people Jake? Why are they here? Kahle and I need to talk to you--privately."
Rebekah descended the final two steps and stopped next to Karen. Karen immediately seemed uneasy.
"Oh, sorry Kahle, I completely ignored you. Just glad to have my sister home. Thanks for bringing her. What's this about? Jason? Is there news?"
My mind seemed to recharge. I refocused my attention. The case. The murder. Could there be news?
"Yes, Jake. But can we clear the peanut gallery over here. This is serious. We need to talk, now."
Concern began to well up in me. I didn't like the way he emphasized the word 'now'. It was eery. Whatever they knew, it was urgent. I turned to the two women that at this moment had forgotten about the fight between each other and had focused all their attention on what they had in common--their love for me.
"Karen...I'm sorry to do this. But can we get together some other time. This is important. This is about Jason. I have to deal with that. He is first priority. I'm very sorry. I promise. We'll go out soon."
"It's fine Jake, I understand. There's a lot going on here right now. I'll be fine. We just need to talk about it. Call me later."
She leaned in and kissed my cheek, then embraced me in a warm hug. It comforted me. The urgency of the pending news trumped the surprise of Rebekah's announcement. I was glad for that. Over her shoulder, Rebekah glared at me. I released and led her to the door. Then, turning to Rebekah, I weighed my words.
"I know you're not happy...I know this isn't what you wanted or what you want to hear. But right now, I need to be a brother. I need to deal with this. I'm sorry. I am."
She stared at her feet as if they were out of place.
"Look at me. I'm sorry. We will get the situation with you and me figured out. OK? We will. But right now, can you please go?"
I put it as gently as I knew how. I spoke softly. I didn't want this to be difficult. I knew she still loved me. I hoped she would respect me. I hoped she wouldn't make a scene.
"Sure Jake. If that's what you want right now."
I could see the tears forming again. Only this time, it wasn't hysterics. These were genuine tears. I was hurt. I didn't want to see her like this. But I couldn't let myself get caught up in this right now.
"I'll go. It's alright. I'm a big girl. I can manage."
Kahle and Janie were quiet and still on the sofa, but I could sense their impatience building.
"Thank you."
I raised her chin with my left hand and hugged her.
"You know how to reach me. Call when you get to the hotel."
"I will."
I followed her to the car and placed her luggage in the trunk.
"I still love you Jacob Samuels. I'll love you til the end of time. I'm sorry if that's not what you want. But I will."
Her sentiment was appreciated. I loved her too. What was I thinking? Was I losing my mind? I didn't have time to think about it. I had to get back inside.
"Rebekah, you will always hold a special place in my heart. I have to go. Please understand. Be careful and call me then."
"Bye."
Her voice had such a melancholy and hopeful tone. I wanted to console her. I didn't know what was going on inside of me. I didn't recognize my own emotions. I was losing myself.
"Goodbye."
"Go! God dammit Kahle! Hit the gas!"
"We're fine Janie. We'll be there soon. Try to stay calm."
"I'm trying, alright, I am. But I'm afraid for my brother. I don't want anything to happen to him, so just drive!"
"You need to stay calm. You need to be calm when we tell him."
"We? No, I'm telling him. This is my mess. I'm going to be the one talking. You need to just keep your eyes and ears open and keep us safe!"
"That's what I plan to do."
"Good!"
"Take some deep breaths."
He directed the car onto the dirt lane that led to the Samuels' house. A cloud formed behind the car. He readjusted his fingers on the wheel. He gripped tighter. He was trying to keep his nerves suppressed. For Janie's sake. He couldn't let her see his concern. He was tense. He wasn't sure what his next move was. How could he really protect them? He couldn't be with them 24/7. They were going to be alone at some point. They couldn't leave. It was best for them to stay here. It was best for them if they didn't try to run. De Amantillo would come. Or he would send someone. He just had to be prepared for that moment. He had avoided Holt's calls. He was sure there was going to be a lengthy argument. He wasn't looking forward to it. But he needed to talk to Holt now. They needed to work together from here. It had to be a team. He should have thought about that sooner. Holt could be persuaded. He could have approached the situation differently. But it was too late now. He just needed to keep going forward. He couldn't let himself think about what had already happened. He couldn't live in the past and the mistakes. That's how people get killed. He needed to focus on the case in front of him. Janie and Jake Samuels were in jeopardy. He needed to ensure they were safe. He needed to ensure that Pablo de Amantillo was behind bars. He needed to get justice for Jason Samuels and Robert Murphy IV. It was up to him now. His action or inaction would decide the outcome. It was in his hands.
He slowed to a stop at the edge of the front walk. The cloud of dust caught them and surrounded the car. Janie rushed to escape her seat. He caught her arm.
"Janie. You need to be calm. Take it slow. Deep breaths. Let's do this."
His voice was forceful. She was going to talk but he wanted to control this situation. He wanted to temper her mood. She needed to approach this the right way. She closed her eyes and lowered her head, inhaling deeply. She pursed her lips and let out a long slow breath. She rolled her neck, feeling it crack. She wiggled her fingers and then stepped out of the car. He followed her lead. She turned and looked across the top of the car. He was watching her. Their eyes met. Blink. They were ready.
/ / /
She held the phone to her ear. It was difficult to understand the voice on the other end.
"Yes. Yes. Like I said. She was sent home today."
She glanced out the window.
"That's what they told me. Mmhmm. Yes."
She wound the cord around her index finger.
"Sir, I don't have all the details...Yes...the last time I saw her? I don't understand."
She needed to end the call. She had things to do. She didn't like where this conversation was headed.
"I already explained that to you. I don't know what else you expect me to say. I think we're done here, sir."
She bit her bottom lip.
"No. No. I need to go."
She quickly placed the receiver back on the wall. She knew better.
/ / /
Kahle and Janie reached the door. They were hesitant to knock. There were two cars in the driveway already. Neither were familiar, both had South Dakota tags. But one had a rental emblem. Kahle didn't like that. It was a bad vibe. He was cautious. He knocked lightly. He heard voices within. He knocked firmly. The voices halted. He waited. The door opened.
"Janie!"
The awkward assembly in my living room was growing, but I was so happy to see her back home. I had been waiting for this day.
"Hi Jake."
She seemed less enthusiastic. Had her struggle already began? Was she a different person apart from drugs and alcohol?
"Are you OK, Janie?"
She moved to the sofa and sat. Rebekah and Karen stood silent. Kahle remained in the frame of the open door.
"I'm fine, but we need to sit down. I need to talk to you."
"You sure? You look a little pale. Do you want a glass of water?"
I headed toward the kitchen. The other three figures remained motionless. I paid them no attention.
"Who are these people Jake? Why are they here? Kahle and I need to talk to you--privately."
Rebekah descended the final two steps and stopped next to Karen. Karen immediately seemed uneasy.
"Oh, sorry Kahle, I completely ignored you. Just glad to have my sister home. Thanks for bringing her. What's this about? Jason? Is there news?"
My mind seemed to recharge. I refocused my attention. The case. The murder. Could there be news?
"Yes, Jake. But can we clear the peanut gallery over here. This is serious. We need to talk, now."
Concern began to well up in me. I didn't like the way he emphasized the word 'now'. It was eery. Whatever they knew, it was urgent. I turned to the two women that at this moment had forgotten about the fight between each other and had focused all their attention on what they had in common--their love for me.
"Karen...I'm sorry to do this. But can we get together some other time. This is important. This is about Jason. I have to deal with that. He is first priority. I'm very sorry. I promise. We'll go out soon."
"It's fine Jake, I understand. There's a lot going on here right now. I'll be fine. We just need to talk about it. Call me later."
She leaned in and kissed my cheek, then embraced me in a warm hug. It comforted me. The urgency of the pending news trumped the surprise of Rebekah's announcement. I was glad for that. Over her shoulder, Rebekah glared at me. I released and led her to the door. Then, turning to Rebekah, I weighed my words.
"I know you're not happy...I know this isn't what you wanted or what you want to hear. But right now, I need to be a brother. I need to deal with this. I'm sorry. I am."
She stared at her feet as if they were out of place.
"Look at me. I'm sorry. We will get the situation with you and me figured out. OK? We will. But right now, can you please go?"
I put it as gently as I knew how. I spoke softly. I didn't want this to be difficult. I knew she still loved me. I hoped she would respect me. I hoped she wouldn't make a scene.
"Sure Jake. If that's what you want right now."
I could see the tears forming again. Only this time, it wasn't hysterics. These were genuine tears. I was hurt. I didn't want to see her like this. But I couldn't let myself get caught up in this right now.
"I'll go. It's alright. I'm a big girl. I can manage."
Kahle and Janie were quiet and still on the sofa, but I could sense their impatience building.
"Thank you."
I raised her chin with my left hand and hugged her.
"You know how to reach me. Call when you get to the hotel."
"I will."
I followed her to the car and placed her luggage in the trunk.
"I still love you Jacob Samuels. I'll love you til the end of time. I'm sorry if that's not what you want. But I will."
Her sentiment was appreciated. I loved her too. What was I thinking? Was I losing my mind? I didn't have time to think about it. I had to get back inside.
"Rebekah, you will always hold a special place in my heart. I have to go. Please understand. Be careful and call me then."
"Bye."
Her voice had such a melancholy and hopeful tone. I wanted to console her. I didn't know what was going on inside of me. I didn't recognize my own emotions. I was losing myself.
"Goodbye."
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