Dearest Sam,
I'm just beginning to get settled, but it was all I could do to get my things off the truck and into the apartment before I was reaching for pen and paper. I long for the sound of your voice but at this moment my cell is dead and the charger is somewhere in the 50 unopened boxes that currently serve as my furnishings. Saying goodbye was nearly more than I could handle, despite twelve months to prepare myself for that moment. I didn't want to go. And I'm sorry for making you endure this pain as much as I am sorry for having to go through it myself. But it is what we must do. This past year has gone by so quickly. And the coming year will as well, I hope. I really hope.
Everyone keeps telling me that our relationship can only grow stronger by being apart, but that's too easy to say. It's incredibly difficult to do. I'm doing my best to sustain myself thinking about the day we met. Remember? For now, that memory is how I continue forward.
- - -
It was my sophomore year of college, just about half way through the semester. I walked across campus on a rainy evening in search of something to eat to energize me so I could get through the hours of midterm studying. There you were standing outside with your friends smoking a cigarette outside the student union. You didn't care that the rain was drenching you, or that it took you three tries to light it. You were having a grand time, a big smile across your face as you listened to your friends telling mindless jokes and poking fun at classmates. You looked chilly, but as if you were trying to ignore it, like you hoped that the smoke would travel inside of you and serve as a replacement for the jacket you clearly left in your dorm. I stared at you, under the safety of my umbrella, your preoccupation allowed me to gaze at your beauty. Your sandy hair, stuck to your forehead, sending rivulets of cool fall rain down your face. You didn't have a care in the world. I was entranced from that moment, frozen, stuck staring at you.
I had no intention of introducing myself. I was forever too shy for that. It was all I could do to respond when someone directly spoke to me. There was no way I would have been comfortable approaching a stranger, let alone one as gorgeous as you. But I got lucky, because I didn't have to come to you. Jack made that happen. Him I recognized. He had taken a class with my roommate freshman year. They had worked on a project together and on more than one occasion that work had spilled over into my dorm.
Jack spotted me staring and tapped your right elbow, as if suggesting you should look to your right. You were lost in the story your other friend was busy telling, so it tooo a second nudge before your attention was broken and you glanced in my direction. You looked back at Jack with a shrug, not caring that a probably creepy looking guy was leering at you. The third nudge seemed to get your attention as you glanced back at me. Your eyes met mine and they held my gaze for a second. There was warmth, and I could feel you smiling by only looking deeper into your eyes. You were silly laughing along with your friends as the story being told continued. But I had your attention. It immediately made me very aware that I was stockstill in the middle of the sidewalk looking a fool. And I quickly remembered where I was headed and began moving toward the student union doors. Just as I pulled open the door with my left hand, I felt yours placed on top of mine.
"Wait."
I paused, too intimidated to turn and meet your eyes.
"Excuse me," you tried again.
"Um...um, sorry," was my only offering.
"Sorry about what?"
"For staring, I just...I, I, I just got distracted for a minute."
"Distracted? You seemed pretty focused," you responded, followed by the cutest chuckle I'd ever heard.
"No, I mean," I still hadn't looked at you, "sorry."
"It's ok." Your hand moved from its place atop mine on the door handle, to my left shoulder. "Are you ok?"
Your touch surprised me, and I too released the door and it began to close, catching my still open umbrella and causing me to stumble as I attempted to both catch the door and save my umbrella from being smashed. You pulled your hand back, suddenly aware of the events you had set in motion, and again you cutest of chuckles escaped your soft pink lips.
"Now I'm sorry!" you spit out amidst your laughter. "I didn't mean to..."
Your voice trailed off as I righted myself and closed my umbrella. I shook it, rather emphatically at my right side, before I finally let my eyes meet yours, just for a second.
"It's alright. These types of things, they well...they happen to me."
"At least you remembered your umbrella! You'll stay dry, unlike me...of course I'm assuming I didn't just completely destroy it"
I chortled. "Yeah I'm sure it's fine."
There was a long pause and I could feel you staring at my profile, just measuring me up, deciding if my awkwardness was endearing or annoying.
"Well," I said with a bit of a sigh. "I'm off to dinner."
And with that I pulled the door open once again and stepped inside.
"Wait!" I heard you exclaim as the door silently pulled shut. But my timidness kept me from turning back, and down the stairs I went to the dining hall.
- - -
Despite that clumsy introduction, somehow you saw more. You saw the man within those reservations. And now, 4 years later, you're my everything. I wouldn't dare look away if our eyes met. I'd be lost again, dumbfounded at your beauty.
We can get through this. We will get through this. Together. 364 days until I wrap my arms around you, my love.
Love Always, Always Love,
Eric
