We held that gaze for a moment. Blink. We both blinked simultaneously. I removed my hand. Her face gently dropped and tilted to the left. Her eyes, still wet, batted. The soft curve from her cheek and chin met her neck. The allure seemed to return. I remembered why I had loved her. I remembered that beautiful face. It seemed as though we were in slow motion. She stared into my eyes, her head still slightly tilted down and off to one side. I stared back as if in a trance. I could see she had some semblance of sanity remaining. I saw the girl I once I knew.
"I have too many questions. I don't know where to begin."
She was still trying to compose herself. She wiped the corners of her eyes with her shirt sleeves. She ran her hands through her hair and then spoke.
"Neither do I. I don't know what to say. I'm sorry Jake."
"You're sorry? For what?"
"I don't know. This situation is just so messed up. I don't know. I don't know what to think."
"Let's just start from the beginning. How did this happened?"
She was surprised. She had expected him to be even more angered with the announcement that she was carrying his child. He was showing compassion, empathy. He actually cared. He wanted to know. He didn't hate her anymore. She wasn't sure how to react. She had prepared herself for a different result. She tried to regroup. She had been ready to yell, to scream, to prove her point. Now she didn't need to. She had to convey the entire story without preparation. She had to eliminate the anger that she knew she would need. She refocused. She just didn't expect this reception. He sat waiting. His eyes were concerned. His hands embraced hers.
"Rebekah?"
"Sorry. I was just thinking. Um...well, I got the surprise much like you did. I wasn't expecting this at all. I had no idea I was pregnant."
"What do you mean? When did you find out?"
"Not until I was already here."
"What? How is that possible?"
"I gained a little wait but I just chalked that up to stress eating due to our breakup. A lot of things were going on. I ignored it all. I didn't think it was possible. I thought it was all because you were gone."
"So when did you find out then?"
"The night I wrecked my car into the tree out here. They ran all sorts of tests when I was in the hospital."
"And--"
"And they told me I had a broken leg. The doctor was gentle and followed it up with, 'Also, you should have told us you were pregnant.' I didn't know what to say to him. I had no idea. So eventually we talked about it. You know, the details. Anyway. I'm due on May 2nd."
"Have you told your mom?
"No. And I don't plan to. Not yet. I need to figure things out first. If I tell her, she will either make me come home or she will come here. I don't want that. I need to think. I need to plan. Then I can tell her."
"She's your mother. She needs to know."
"I know. I know. I wanted to tell her. But I can't yet. I can't"
"What are you going to do?"
"What do you mean? It's your baby!"
"I don't want to be a jerk, Beka, but are we sure about that?"
"What the hell are you saying?"
"What am I saying? Beka, you slept with him. I walked in. I saw. It could be his. I'm not saying that it is, but it could be."
"What if it was?"
"If it's his? Then it's his responsibility."
"And that's it. Just like that."
"You can't expect me to be involved, if it's his kid!"
"God dammit Jake, it's not his. He wore a condom."
"They're not 100% effective. You know that."
"Seriously. I can't believe you. I can't believe you're doing this. It's your baby!"
"Maybe it is. And I will love that baby to death if it is. But I want a paternity test. I'm not raising someone else's kid."
"Fine."
"Fine. What do I have to do? Piss in a cup? I'll do it now."
"No. I'll talk to the doctor. I'll find out."
"I'm not trying to be a deadbeat. I get it. I do. If it's my baby, I will totally support you, money, time, whatever. But I need to know that it's my child."
"OK Jake, OK. We'll do it. I'll call him and let him know. This is not going to go over well."
I didn't know what to think. Could I be a father? I could be a father. In two months. In two months, I could be a father. I wanted to be a dad for so long. But I didn't want it like this. I didn't. Things were too complicated. I told Rebekah three years ago that I wanted a kid. She said she was too young to be a mom. Too young. She was in her early twenties. There are kids who barely hit puberty toting around infants. Dad. Someone could be calling me Dad. I longed to hear that. I longed to hold a baby in my arms and rock them to sleep. To wake up at three in the morning to feed them. I was ready for all of it. But not like this.
She sat calmly across from me. She was not happy. She was not mad. She was frustrated. She wanted me to just accept this. I couldn't do that. I don't understand how she thought I could. It was unfair to ask me to.
"I'm sorry. But I need some time to process this. I need to let it sink in."
"Take all the time you need Jake."
She rose and began climbing the stairs.
"No. I meant I need space. I need to be able to focus."
"What?"
"I think you need to go back to the hotel for right now."
"You're asking me to leave? Now?"
I stood my ground.
"Yes. I'm sorry. I know it's not polite. It's not accommodating. But you can't be here right now. I can't have you here."
"Jake, I can't believe you're serious!"
"To be honest, I was about to ask you to leave anyway. Janie will be home soon. I can't have the two of you here at once. It's too much work. I need to focus on keeping her well."
"Too much work? How is that possible? I've been doing everything around here! You don't do a damn thing!"
"Beka, I told you, I'm sorry. But it's time. There is way too much for me to deal with right now. Having you here will only make it worse. It'll only be harder."
"If that's what you want. Fine. Fine!"
"Fine."
"I'll get my things."
She stomped up the stairs and I listened as she threw things around her room. I exhaled deeply. I glanced at my watch. Janie would be home soon. I shouldn't. It was terrible timing. But I couldn't avoid it. I needed a drink. I unlocked the cabinet. I quickly poured myself a double of scotch. I downed it. I poured another. I locked the cabinet again and returned the key to its proper place. I felt better.
"Rebekah?"
She didn't respond. I moved to the foot of the steps. For a moment, my mind flashed back to that day I took my painful trip down the stairs. I winced.
"Rebekah?"
"What?"
She was very unhappy.
"I was just making sure you were alright. Are you OK? Do you need me to help you?"
She appeared outside her door. Her luggage was at her side.
"No. I don't need your help."
She perched at the top of the stairs.
"Do you have everything?"
"Yeah I have it all."
The bell rang. Janie was home. Janie was home. This wasn't good timing. This was very bad timing. This is what I was trying to avoid. I turned on my heels and headed for the door. I grasped the knob and took a deep breath. Blink. Nothing to do but turn and pull. I pulled the door towards me.
"Jake? Jake you look so good! I'm so glad that you are doing better! I've missed you. It's been too long. You should have called me sooner."
"Oh, Karen. Uh, I'm sorry. I'm sure I look a bit bewildered. I think I lost track of my days. Is today Tuesday?"
"Jake, don't worry me. It's Wednesday. I'm sorry, weren't you expecting me?"
"No, no, I was. I was just expecting you tomorrow. I guess I'm a day behind."
She laughed softly and stepped inside. I closed the door behind her.
"Who is it Jake? Who's at the door?"
I heard her coming down the stairs. She trudged down with her luggage. This was worse than Janie coming home. Much worse.
"Who is it? Who is she Jake?"
"Rebekah, this is Karen. Karen Jameson. We went to high school together."
"But why is she here?"
"She was my nurse when I was in the hospital."
"But why is she here Jake?"
Karen was uncomfortable. It was written on her face. I didn't know what to say.
"I'm sorry I didn't catch your name. I'm Karen."
She extended her hand to Rebekah. Rebekah stared down at it and then up at Karen's face.
"What are you doing here? Jacob is fine. I've been taking care of him. He doesn't need looking after anymore."
"Oh, that's not why I'm here. I'm not here to check up on him"
I was lost. I didn't know what to do. I watched without protest.
"So then why?"
Karen remained very calm. I liked that about her. Rebekah was highly agitated. She was pushy, irritated. Karen was still smiling.
"I don't believe I understand. Jake who is this?"
She turned to me. She pulled me back into it.
"Uh...uh..."
"Jake?"
"Karen, this is Rebekah. We were together for a few years when I lived in Chicago."
"Oh, this is Rebekah. I don't think I understand what she's doing here though."
"You? You don't understand? I still want to know what you're doing here! Jake, who is this woman?"
"Rebekah, like I said. Karen and I went to high school together. We reconnected when I was in the hospital because she was my nurse. Um...she's my date tonight."
There I said it. It was out there. There was no taking it back. Things were about to get ugly. I could feel it. And there was nothing I could do about it.
"Your date? Your date! Are you out of your mind? Jacob! Dammit!"
"Rebekah, I don't think it's any of your business what he and I do."
"The hell it is! I'm standing here carrying his baby and he's waltzing women around right in front of me!"
"I'm sorry you're what? He's what? His baby?"
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Dakota (Ch 23)
Holt didn't appreciate what had happened. He didn't like this. He wasn't a fan of Donny Kahle calling the shots. Holt didn't like being kept in the dark. He didn't like getting trampled. He was in charge. Kahle needed to know his place.
Holt tried to call Kahle when he arrived and discovered Janie was already gone. He knew it was Kahle. He knew it. It was like a feeling a mother gets when there child is in danger. It was intuitive. He just felt it.
As he drove back to Wessington, he felt the anger building within him. He was going to rip into Kahle. He had had it. It was done. This was all he needed to call Kahle on the carpet. He wouldn't wait any longer.
He punched in the numbers over and over again. There was no response. There was no answer on the other end. Kahle was avoiding him. Kahle had Janie and Holt was afraid of how she might react to Kahle's style of interrogation. She had just come out of rehab. What was he thinking? This wasn't the time. This wasn't the place.
/ / /
I collapsed into the chair, a mass of bones, muscles, and nerves. My mind clouded. A haze fell over my eyes. I stopped feeling. I didn't feel any pain in my arm or side. I stared into space, seeing nothing. Muffled words and sounds filtered through my head. I knew she was still talking, but I heard nothing. There was no coherence in what found its way into my ears and resonated then reverberated back. My senses halted. I couldn't process. I couldn't think. I wanted to respond. I wanted to answer her. I wanted to question her. I wanted answers. But nothing formulated in my mind. Words didn't string together. Sentences didn't form. Thoughts didn't develop. There was nothing in those moments. Was I the father? Was this real? Was this really happening? Or was this just another way for her to get me back? How could this be happening? And why now? Why did she wait so long to tell?
The questions all piled on top of one another. They jumbled together. I couldn't concentrate on one long enough before it collided into a new one. Each brought new concerns. Each brought more confusion.
Her muttering increased. I was beginning to sense her frustration. My world was still enclosed. She wasn't breaking through. I couldn't let her in. I couldn't get out. I felt like I was suffocating. I needed out. I was gasping for air. I was sweating. I was screaming. I felt it. But none of it reached her ears. None of it escaped my head. None of it was real. I was dying in front of her. If she only knew.
My face was suddenly cold. And wet.
"Jake! Jake! Are you alright? Jake!"
She was screaming. She was four inches from my face. She held the empty glass in her hand. It dripped the remains of its contents onto my left thigh.
"Beka. I'm fine. I'm fine. Get off of me."
I pushed her away from me with my good arm. I struggled to push her back. She still lacked control. I didn't understand who she had become. Our separation had messed with her. I never expected it, but it was reality. She had real problems. Maybe it was the hormones of a pregnant woman. But I felt it was much more than that. She needed help. I repositioned myself in the chair.
"Sit back down. You need to explain this to me. You need to explain a lot to me."
"I don't know what's to explain Jake."
She acted as if this was normal. She acted as if I should have expected this bombshell that was the Hiroshima to my world. This was life-changing and yet to her it was nothing.
"Rebekah-I hadn't seen you for months. You've been here a few weeks, but we've never touched, and we certainly haven't been having sex. Explain. Explain to me how this could be possible. You'd have to be due soon..."
"OK, OK. I know it's a little crazy. I know I probably caught you off guard."
"Yeah, Beka, just a little."
I was bitter that she dropped this on me like this. Now. Now that she was being asked to leave. How long had she known? Why was I just finding out about this?
"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to. I just didn't know how. I didn't know how to start that conversation. You hated me so much. You...hated...me"
She started to cry. I didn't know if I could handle this. There was too much emotion. There was too much to contemplate. There was too much to accept.
"I'm sorry. Rebekah. Look at me."
I placed my hand under her chin and raised it up. Our eyes met. For the first time since that day in September, our eyes met apart from hatred or ill-will.
/ / /
"Just hurry please. I need to tell Jake. I need to warn him. We need to get out of Wessington. We need to go."
"I don't think you should run. We can keep you safe, here. If you run, he'll just chase you. You said it yourself. He has ways of finding things out. He'll follow you. He'll find you. And the police there won't know what's going on. You're best to stay here. We'll get him. We'll be waiting for him. I need to alert the FBI."
"No. No. No."
"Janie, I have to contact the FBI. They can monitor travel records. They can help us. They can provide extra men. They can keep you safe-and Jake."
"I don't know."
"Janie. Every time a problem has stood in your way, you've run the other way. You've never faced them. You need to face this one. It'll haunt you the rest of your life. You've gotta stare it down. And then take it down. You can do this."
She turned and looked deep into his eyes. It was as if she was in a trance. She had gained an intensity.
"You bet you damn ass we are going to take him down. I'm not going anywhere. I want to be there. I'm taking back my life. It starts now."
He flipped the lights on. He was ready for this mission. He still had questions. He didn't understand why Robert Murphy was murdered. He didn't understand everything. But he knew he was on the path that led to the killer. And he knew the killer's name.
Holt tried to call Kahle when he arrived and discovered Janie was already gone. He knew it was Kahle. He knew it. It was like a feeling a mother gets when there child is in danger. It was intuitive. He just felt it.
As he drove back to Wessington, he felt the anger building within him. He was going to rip into Kahle. He had had it. It was done. This was all he needed to call Kahle on the carpet. He wouldn't wait any longer.
He punched in the numbers over and over again. There was no response. There was no answer on the other end. Kahle was avoiding him. Kahle had Janie and Holt was afraid of how she might react to Kahle's style of interrogation. She had just come out of rehab. What was he thinking? This wasn't the time. This wasn't the place.
/ / /
I collapsed into the chair, a mass of bones, muscles, and nerves. My mind clouded. A haze fell over my eyes. I stopped feeling. I didn't feel any pain in my arm or side. I stared into space, seeing nothing. Muffled words and sounds filtered through my head. I knew she was still talking, but I heard nothing. There was no coherence in what found its way into my ears and resonated then reverberated back. My senses halted. I couldn't process. I couldn't think. I wanted to respond. I wanted to answer her. I wanted to question her. I wanted answers. But nothing formulated in my mind. Words didn't string together. Sentences didn't form. Thoughts didn't develop. There was nothing in those moments. Was I the father? Was this real? Was this really happening? Or was this just another way for her to get me back? How could this be happening? And why now? Why did she wait so long to tell?
The questions all piled on top of one another. They jumbled together. I couldn't concentrate on one long enough before it collided into a new one. Each brought new concerns. Each brought more confusion.
Her muttering increased. I was beginning to sense her frustration. My world was still enclosed. She wasn't breaking through. I couldn't let her in. I couldn't get out. I felt like I was suffocating. I needed out. I was gasping for air. I was sweating. I was screaming. I felt it. But none of it reached her ears. None of it escaped my head. None of it was real. I was dying in front of her. If she only knew.
My face was suddenly cold. And wet.
"Jake! Jake! Are you alright? Jake!"
She was screaming. She was four inches from my face. She held the empty glass in her hand. It dripped the remains of its contents onto my left thigh.
"Beka. I'm fine. I'm fine. Get off of me."
I pushed her away from me with my good arm. I struggled to push her back. She still lacked control. I didn't understand who she had become. Our separation had messed with her. I never expected it, but it was reality. She had real problems. Maybe it was the hormones of a pregnant woman. But I felt it was much more than that. She needed help. I repositioned myself in the chair.
"Sit back down. You need to explain this to me. You need to explain a lot to me."
"I don't know what's to explain Jake."
She acted as if this was normal. She acted as if I should have expected this bombshell that was the Hiroshima to my world. This was life-changing and yet to her it was nothing.
"Rebekah-I hadn't seen you for months. You've been here a few weeks, but we've never touched, and we certainly haven't been having sex. Explain. Explain to me how this could be possible. You'd have to be due soon..."
"OK, OK. I know it's a little crazy. I know I probably caught you off guard."
"Yeah, Beka, just a little."
I was bitter that she dropped this on me like this. Now. Now that she was being asked to leave. How long had she known? Why was I just finding out about this?
"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to. I just didn't know how. I didn't know how to start that conversation. You hated me so much. You...hated...me"
She started to cry. I didn't know if I could handle this. There was too much emotion. There was too much to contemplate. There was too much to accept.
"I'm sorry. Rebekah. Look at me."
I placed my hand under her chin and raised it up. Our eyes met. For the first time since that day in September, our eyes met apart from hatred or ill-will.
/ / /
"Just hurry please. I need to tell Jake. I need to warn him. We need to get out of Wessington. We need to go."
"I don't think you should run. We can keep you safe, here. If you run, he'll just chase you. You said it yourself. He has ways of finding things out. He'll follow you. He'll find you. And the police there won't know what's going on. You're best to stay here. We'll get him. We'll be waiting for him. I need to alert the FBI."
"No. No. No."
"Janie, I have to contact the FBI. They can monitor travel records. They can help us. They can provide extra men. They can keep you safe-and Jake."
"I don't know."
"Janie. Every time a problem has stood in your way, you've run the other way. You've never faced them. You need to face this one. It'll haunt you the rest of your life. You've gotta stare it down. And then take it down. You can do this."
She turned and looked deep into his eyes. It was as if she was in a trance. She had gained an intensity.
"You bet you damn ass we are going to take him down. I'm not going anywhere. I want to be there. I'm taking back my life. It starts now."
He flipped the lights on. He was ready for this mission. He still had questions. He didn't understand why Robert Murphy was murdered. He didn't understand everything. But he knew he was on the path that led to the killer. And he knew the killer's name.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Dakota (Ch 22)
The creaking footsteps stopped. I hesitated. Was it her?
"Rebekah?"
I stepped into the open doorway and found the barrel of a gun pressed against my left cheek. My mind didn't process. I froze. I didn't move. I didn't think. I just stood and stared at the gun in front of me.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what you want."
"You know what I want. I've tried to tell you."
My eyes flashed away from the gun to the face of its owner. My mind restarted. Things immediately began to process. Tension fell.
"Rebekah, what are you doing? You've seriously lost your mind! Get that thing out of my face before you hurt yourself."
"No Jake. No. You listen to me."
She shook the gun wildly. I was afraid. Not because I was afraid of her. I was afraid she might accidentally fire without intending to. She didn't know what she was doing. This wasn't her. This wasn't in her playbook. She had just lost it. There was no other explanation.
"Rebekah. This isn't funny. Let's talk about this. OK? Put the gun away. Put it down. C'mon--we can talk this out."
Hope returned to her eyes. She sincerely thought that there was still a possibility of this working between us. She somehow thought it could still happen. She was grossly mistaken. But I needed her to think it wasn't over. I needed to get the gun away from her.
"Fine. Fine, Jake. If we can make this work, I'll put it down."
"We can talk about it. Let's just put it down first, alright?"
I gently guided her arm down to her side and then slid the gun from her sweaty palm. She was shaking.
"OK, Beka, let's sit on the couch and talk about it."
I took the gun to the kitchen and locked it in the liquor cabinet. I returned to the living room as Rebekah began to break down. The situation was finally catching up with her.
"It's alright. It's over now."
"But I don't want it to be over."
She still sobbed, her eyes wet and red.
"It's been months Rebekah. You need to accept the fact we're not getting back together. Not now. Not ever--"
"But Jake--"
"No. Sorry, there is no way it's gonna happen. I can't trust you again. You burned that bridge. It can't be rebuilt. It's over."
She couldn't respond. She only cried. For the first time, it seemed as though she actually was accepting his reply. She was beginning to come to terms with it. She was going to be able to move on. There was nothing else she could do. This was the end of the line. She had tried it all. She had tried so hard, but it wasn't until now, not until she heard it again from his mouth. Now she knew that her life was going to be drastically different. I couldn't help but smile. She finally understood.
/ / /
Kahle had turned his phone to vibrate when he got in the car. His radio was off. It was just him and Janie in the car. He needed it that way. After hearing the extent of her story, he was happy with the decisions he had made. He knew it wasn't going to go over well. He knew he was going to hear about it later. Holt was not going to be happy about it. Sioux Falls is a long drive from Wessington. And he would be coming back empty handed. But Kahle didn't care. He just wanted answers.
He had what he needed. He needed to hit the ground running with this. His foot pressed the pedal toward the floor. Another twenty miles and he would have Janie back at home.
She sat, faced pressed against the glass, forehead matted with sweaty hair. Her eyes showed concern. For the first time in a very long time, Janie was showing consideration for someone else. She didn't know what to think. She knew that is was very possible that her actions led to her brothers death. She wasn't sure where to go from here though. What should she do next? What was Jake going to say? She couldn't lose him. Not now. She couldn't. Tears returned to the corners of her eyes. She closed them tightly. She rubbed her palms together, squeezed tightly. Then she buried her face in her hands and cried. She was lost. She was worried. And she felt regret. It wasn't something she felt often. She didn't remember the distaste that formed in your mouth, the uneasiness that built up in your stomach, the pain that climbed up that back of your neck.
Kahle glanced over at her again. He hadn't expected this sort of breakdown. He thought she was stronger than this. But then again, maybe it was the liquor that made her strong. Maybe it was the liquor that made her tough.
"It's going to be alright, Janie. Really it is. If it really was this Pablo guy? If it was him? We'll get him. We'll do what it takes to get him. I promise you that."
"You don't get it."
"What's to get?"
"There is no if. Pablo did this. But he didn't do it himself. He wouldn't dirty his hands. No. He sent someone. He wouldn't make the trip. He had people for this sort of thing."
"You know any names? Something I could run through the system? I'm gonna have to partner with the authorities in Costa Rica on this. I can have them check these guys out."
"I don't know. It's been a while. I don't think I remember any of there names. But as far as leaning on the Costa Rican authorities. I'd steer clear of that."
"I don't have any other options. There my only contact with what's going on down there."
"You don't get it. It's not like the U.S. there. The police don't care. They don't care that Pablo and his guys are moving drugs. They don't. They know who he is. They know what he does, how he operates. Talking to them about this. Well, that's just a tip that someone is still alive. They'll pass what they hear along to Pablo. I don't doubt it for a second. And do you know what he'll do. He'll know that they missed their target. Because he knows there is no way you could know about him, unless I told you."
"I want justice for Jason. I've got to start somewhere. I've already been in contact with them."
"Dammit. What did you do? He's not going to stop. He'll make sure he hits the target this time. Me. You just signed my execution orders. He might not care what the authorities there know, but he sure as hell cares about what you know. He knows you can bring him down. He'll come back. He'll send someone."
She was frantic, scared. He didn't know what to tell her. He didn't know how to console her. She pressed the button and lowered her window. She needed air. She tilted her head out the opening and let the wind cool her down. She was worried. She knew what de Amantillo was capable of. She wouldn't be his victim. She wouldn't.
"Janie, we know what we're looking for now. We know who to watch. Holt and I can protect you. You'll be alright. There's no need to panic."
"The two of you can't be with me day and night. You don't understand. It's only a matter of time. How long has it been since you contacted the authorities down there?"
"Couple of days..."
"Shit."
/ / /
Her clarity faded. I sat there continuing to smile. I was confused. Why was she smiling? This wasn't the reaction that she should be having. I didn't understand. She could see it in my eyes. I was sure of it.
"Jake. It'll never be over. There's no chance that this will end."
"Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Just accept it. Please, I'm getting tired of having to tell you. I can't take this anymore."
"You think it's tiring for you? Is it hard? I'm sorry. I really am. I'd hate to stress you."
I resented her sarcastic tone. I didn't understand what had changed. She seemed to take on a new persona, one that wasn't familiar. I didn't recognize her.
"Jake. We're going to get back together. We are. I know you can't say no."
"Are you deaf? I've told you no a hundred times already."
"But that was before."
"Before? Before what?"
"Before you knew."
"There's nothing to know, Beka."
"But there is."
"It's time for you to go. C'mon, get up."
"I don't think so. I'm staying right here in the family home."
"I'm not kidding. You need to get the hell out. I don't know what's wrong with you anymore. You lost it. I'm sorry that you took it so hard. But it's over and I can't do anything else to make you see that. So just make this easy and go please."
"I didn't lose it. I know what I'm doing, what I've been trying to do."
"And what's that? Get us back together?"
"To tell you..."
"To tell me what?"
"To tell you...I'm pregnant."
"Rebekah?"
I stepped into the open doorway and found the barrel of a gun pressed against my left cheek. My mind didn't process. I froze. I didn't move. I didn't think. I just stood and stared at the gun in front of me.
"I'm sorry, I don't know what you want."
"You know what I want. I've tried to tell you."
My eyes flashed away from the gun to the face of its owner. My mind restarted. Things immediately began to process. Tension fell.
"Rebekah, what are you doing? You've seriously lost your mind! Get that thing out of my face before you hurt yourself."
"No Jake. No. You listen to me."
She shook the gun wildly. I was afraid. Not because I was afraid of her. I was afraid she might accidentally fire without intending to. She didn't know what she was doing. This wasn't her. This wasn't in her playbook. She had just lost it. There was no other explanation.
"Rebekah. This isn't funny. Let's talk about this. OK? Put the gun away. Put it down. C'mon--we can talk this out."
Hope returned to her eyes. She sincerely thought that there was still a possibility of this working between us. She somehow thought it could still happen. She was grossly mistaken. But I needed her to think it wasn't over. I needed to get the gun away from her.
"Fine. Fine, Jake. If we can make this work, I'll put it down."
"We can talk about it. Let's just put it down first, alright?"
I gently guided her arm down to her side and then slid the gun from her sweaty palm. She was shaking.
"OK, Beka, let's sit on the couch and talk about it."
I took the gun to the kitchen and locked it in the liquor cabinet. I returned to the living room as Rebekah began to break down. The situation was finally catching up with her.
"It's alright. It's over now."
"But I don't want it to be over."
She still sobbed, her eyes wet and red.
"It's been months Rebekah. You need to accept the fact we're not getting back together. Not now. Not ever--"
"But Jake--"
"No. Sorry, there is no way it's gonna happen. I can't trust you again. You burned that bridge. It can't be rebuilt. It's over."
She couldn't respond. She only cried. For the first time, it seemed as though she actually was accepting his reply. She was beginning to come to terms with it. She was going to be able to move on. There was nothing else she could do. This was the end of the line. She had tried it all. She had tried so hard, but it wasn't until now, not until she heard it again from his mouth. Now she knew that her life was going to be drastically different. I couldn't help but smile. She finally understood.
/ / /
Kahle had turned his phone to vibrate when he got in the car. His radio was off. It was just him and Janie in the car. He needed it that way. After hearing the extent of her story, he was happy with the decisions he had made. He knew it wasn't going to go over well. He knew he was going to hear about it later. Holt was not going to be happy about it. Sioux Falls is a long drive from Wessington. And he would be coming back empty handed. But Kahle didn't care. He just wanted answers.
He had what he needed. He needed to hit the ground running with this. His foot pressed the pedal toward the floor. Another twenty miles and he would have Janie back at home.
She sat, faced pressed against the glass, forehead matted with sweaty hair. Her eyes showed concern. For the first time in a very long time, Janie was showing consideration for someone else. She didn't know what to think. She knew that is was very possible that her actions led to her brothers death. She wasn't sure where to go from here though. What should she do next? What was Jake going to say? She couldn't lose him. Not now. She couldn't. Tears returned to the corners of her eyes. She closed them tightly. She rubbed her palms together, squeezed tightly. Then she buried her face in her hands and cried. She was lost. She was worried. And she felt regret. It wasn't something she felt often. She didn't remember the distaste that formed in your mouth, the uneasiness that built up in your stomach, the pain that climbed up that back of your neck.
Kahle glanced over at her again. He hadn't expected this sort of breakdown. He thought she was stronger than this. But then again, maybe it was the liquor that made her strong. Maybe it was the liquor that made her tough.
"It's going to be alright, Janie. Really it is. If it really was this Pablo guy? If it was him? We'll get him. We'll do what it takes to get him. I promise you that."
"You don't get it."
"What's to get?"
"There is no if. Pablo did this. But he didn't do it himself. He wouldn't dirty his hands. No. He sent someone. He wouldn't make the trip. He had people for this sort of thing."
"You know any names? Something I could run through the system? I'm gonna have to partner with the authorities in Costa Rica on this. I can have them check these guys out."
"I don't know. It's been a while. I don't think I remember any of there names. But as far as leaning on the Costa Rican authorities. I'd steer clear of that."
"I don't have any other options. There my only contact with what's going on down there."
"You don't get it. It's not like the U.S. there. The police don't care. They don't care that Pablo and his guys are moving drugs. They don't. They know who he is. They know what he does, how he operates. Talking to them about this. Well, that's just a tip that someone is still alive. They'll pass what they hear along to Pablo. I don't doubt it for a second. And do you know what he'll do. He'll know that they missed their target. Because he knows there is no way you could know about him, unless I told you."
"I want justice for Jason. I've got to start somewhere. I've already been in contact with them."
"Dammit. What did you do? He's not going to stop. He'll make sure he hits the target this time. Me. You just signed my execution orders. He might not care what the authorities there know, but he sure as hell cares about what you know. He knows you can bring him down. He'll come back. He'll send someone."
She was frantic, scared. He didn't know what to tell her. He didn't know how to console her. She pressed the button and lowered her window. She needed air. She tilted her head out the opening and let the wind cool her down. She was worried. She knew what de Amantillo was capable of. She wouldn't be his victim. She wouldn't.
"Janie, we know what we're looking for now. We know who to watch. Holt and I can protect you. You'll be alright. There's no need to panic."
"The two of you can't be with me day and night. You don't understand. It's only a matter of time. How long has it been since you contacted the authorities down there?"
"Couple of days..."
"Shit."
/ / /
Her clarity faded. I sat there continuing to smile. I was confused. Why was she smiling? This wasn't the reaction that she should be having. I didn't understand. She could see it in my eyes. I was sure of it.
"Jake. It'll never be over. There's no chance that this will end."
"Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Just accept it. Please, I'm getting tired of having to tell you. I can't take this anymore."
"You think it's tiring for you? Is it hard? I'm sorry. I really am. I'd hate to stress you."
I resented her sarcastic tone. I didn't understand what had changed. She seemed to take on a new persona, one that wasn't familiar. I didn't recognize her.
"Jake. We're going to get back together. We are. I know you can't say no."
"Are you deaf? I've told you no a hundred times already."
"But that was before."
"Before? Before what?"
"Before you knew."
"There's nothing to know, Beka."
"But there is."
"It's time for you to go. C'mon, get up."
"I don't think so. I'm staying right here in the family home."
"I'm not kidding. You need to get the hell out. I don't know what's wrong with you anymore. You lost it. I'm sorry that you took it so hard. But it's over and I can't do anything else to make you see that. So just make this easy and go please."
"I didn't lose it. I know what I'm doing, what I've been trying to do."
"And what's that? Get us back together?"
"To tell you..."
"To tell me what?"
"To tell you...I'm pregnant."
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Dakota (Ch 21)
She reached the door and turned the knob. This wasn't where she expected to be. She had other plans. She really wanted to be somewhere else. But she was here. She had no choice. She pushed the door open and took stepped forward. It was like an infant taking their first steps. These were her first steps in the real world. These were her first steps outside of the restrictions of rehab. She was twenty-eight days sober. She was twenty-eight days drug free. She started to smile, then she drew it back. She wasn't happy. It may have been twenty-eight days, but that didn't matter. She wanted a drink. She knew she had to avoid the bottle. But she wanted a drink. She needed a drink. She didn't know life apart from alcohol. She didn't know what life was sober. She was an alcoholic. She always would be. She turned to the bench at her side and took a seat. She couldn't do this. She knew that. She would never be able to stay sober. She couldn't do it. Drugs. Well, drugs were one thing, She could go without drugs. She didn't need drugs. She liked drugs, but she didn't need them. Not like she needed alcohol. Liquor to be specific. Beer didn't do it for her. Wine tasted like water. Vodka, gin, tequila, rum. That's what she needed. That's what she longed for.
She sat on the bench and waited. He should have been here by now. He said he was coming and yet there she was, alone, waiting. She needed someone to talk to. She needed social interaction. She needed distraction. The more she sat on that bench by herself, the more she thought about a bottle of Jack. She fantasized about it. She romanticized it.
She cleared her throat and tried to remember what she had learned in the past four weeks. Her mind was blank. She could only picture bottles, glasses, and flowing liquor. Blink.
"Focus Janie, focus. You can do this. It's been five minutes. You can do this."
She inhaled deeply, then slowly exhaled. She sat back and waited.
/ / /
He drove erratically. He had too much information. He wasn't sure what to do with it. He wasn't even sure what he could do with it. He didn't have a plan. He just drove. The sirens were on. The lights were flashing. Why weren't people getting out of his way? Didn't they see that this was important. He needed to get to Sioux Falls. He needed to get to Janie. He wasn't waiting for the go-ahead from Holt on this one. He was taking the lead. He was taking the reigns. He was taking over. He knew better, but he just couldn't sit on what he had. He knew too much. He had to act now.
He knew that it was a race against time. He knew Holt was on his way to pick up Janie from rehab. He knew that Holt was taking her home to Wessington. But he was making his play. Kahle drove with abandon. He maneuvered expertly through highway traffic. He was on a mission.
As he approached the rehab center, he could see her sitting, waiting, not for him, but for Holt. He was first. He had made it.
Kahle stepped out of the car and stepped to Janie's side.
"Janie Samuels?"
"Ye, yes."
"We haven't met. I'm Donny Kahle. I'm with the Sheriff's Department. Sheriff Holt is very sorry he couldn't make the trip, but official department business has detained him. I'm here to take you back to Wessington."
"Okay. I was expecting Sheriff Holt, but it doesn't make much of a difference to me."
He nodded and offered a hand to help her up. She placed her hand in his.
"Are you the deputy who has been working on my brother's case?"
"Um first, I'm not a deputy. I work for the county, mainly in forensics, but Dakota can be a slow gig."
"Sorry--"
"It's alright. And yes, I have been working the case. Doing a lot of research. I need to know all the players. And all the details. I'm, excuse me, we're going to solve this. We are. Don't think otherwise, not even for a moment."
"Good. I believe you. I feel your passion. It's refreshing. Throw everything you got behind this thing. I want this guy. I want him to rot."
"Well, I could actually use your help."
He opened her door and helped her into the car. Closing it, he returned to his side and took his place behind the wheel.
"How can I help?"
She seemed confused. She was hesitant.
"You've been away from Wessington for a while. You came home after Jason's death. Did Jake contact you? What brought you back?"
He didn't flinch. He didn't delay. He didn't waste a moment. He went right at the big question. Everything else could be figured out after she answered this one question. He didn't care about anything else. This was the only thing that mattered to the case he was now working. Her return could have played into Jason's murder. It could have. That's what he needed to determine. He needed her answer to make a decision. He needed to rule it out.
"I'd been doing some traveling abroad. It was just time."
She turned to him and smiled.
"You know how it is. It's just nice to come back to your own home after a vacation."
"Vacation? How long were you away?"
"Hmmm. Let me think."
He tried to pay attention to his driving. But he didn't like how this conversation was going. She was already relying on bullshit answers. He needed honesty.
"Janie. Let me just stop you right there. I need to know the truth, the details. I need to be able to rule out all possibilities so that I can catch the guy that killed your brother. I need you to be straight with me."
His eyes locked on hers. It was only for a second but it was long enough. He had an intensity about him. He always does. But in that moment it was amplified. She felt a shiver run down her spine. She knew he already knew. He just wanted to hear it from her. He wanted her to say the words. He wanted to verify his information. Central American countries weren't the best with keeping records. But he was confident in what he had discovered. He didn't doubt what he had learned.
She pulled her hair over one shoulder. She stroked the ends of her ponytail and turned to look out the window. It took a minute. Her eyes fell to her lap as her hands continued to play with her hair.
"I ran away."
"You ran away? I know Janie. Let's fast forward. I know what happened here, in the U.S. I need to know about Mexico, Belize, Costa Rica, Panama, Venezuela. I need to know."
"It sounds like you already know."
"Then humor me."
She pushed her feet forward and stiffened her back in the seat. She was frustrated. She didn't want to tell the story. She didn't want to remember. She wanted a drink.
"I had a game. I never really had to play it in Cali because most guys would just offer up the cash to avoid having any allegations of a rape against them."
She paused. He could tell she didn't want to recount what she was about to tell him.
"I was really good at holding my liquor. I could drink and drink and nothing. I didn't feel it. You would never have known. So I used to get wasted, well, these guys would think I was wasted. They'd play their game, hit on me, take me home, you know. So we'd do our thing. Whatever, I didn't care. They didn't know they were the ones being played. I'd wait til the next morning and then I'd make my move. I'd pretend I had been drunk. I'd freak out, start screaming, acting like I had been raped. Most guys couldn't deal. They literally would pay me whatever I demanded, just so I wouldn't press charges. I wasn't afraid because, as I'm sure you already know, I had my dad's shotgun. I can shoot. I wasn't afraid of getting in over my head. I knew I could take care of myself."
"Yeah, I know about your skilled shot."
She turned almost as if she was surprised. The corner of her mouth turned up. He could see her pride. She turned back to the desolate view beyond the glass.
"So in Mexico things were a little different. I couldn't play my game with locals because they didn't have any money. So I tried to focus on tourist locales. I'll admit, I wasn't prepared for it. Some of the guys just didn't care what I said, what I claimed. They didn't care what I reported. So I made reports. I went to the police, told my story. That's what it took. That's when wallets opened. But I was getting tired. The game was getting old. I took a trip to Belize. I just wanted to clear my head. I wanted to figure out what to do next."
"So Belize what just a vacation? I just couldn't fit it into the puzzle."
"Yeah. Everyone needs a vacation."
She smiled. She amused herself. But he could see that she was cold. It was as if she didn't have a soul. She did what she needed to. He didn't like it. She saw his reaction. She tried to recover.
"Um anyway. In Belize, I realized I didn't want to go back to Cancun. I was going to move on. But a girl's gotta eat so--"
"So you needed a new game."
She was beginning to like telling the story. She had never really recounted it so thoroughly. She was leaving out all the parts about the actual verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. She wasn't sure why. It was as if she was trying to build up her own ego. She knew Kahle couldn't really do anything about what she told him.
"Basically. So I went to Costa Rica. I met up with some guys. We were all just looking for some fast and steady cash. I was in Central America. I started dealing. Just dealing. But then things got complicated and I was tangled up in trafficking. I really didn't want to be involved in that. But I was with this guy. Pablo de Amantillo Even though I had messed up so many guys before, I couldn't seem to break away from this one. He just had this hold over me. I tried to run once and my truck literally broke down in the driveway. I thought he was going to kill me. That was the only time I was truly scared, afraid that I might die, that I might actually get my payback."
"What kind of drugs?"
"You know pretty basic. Marijuana mostly, some cocaine."
"Where were these drugs headed."
She didn't want to implicate herself. She wasn't stupid. She knew that if she said they were coming across the Rio Grande that she would be jeopardizing her own freedom.
"All over Central America. I'm not really sure though. I was involved in the arrival moreso. Pablo forced me to pick up shipments and take them to his warehouse mainly. Then he started asking for more. He started making me take longer trips. That's when I really wanted out. I was driving to Panama to pick up shipments. I don't know how he got them across the Canal, but he had a way. I was down there too many times to remember. Finally, he pushed me too far. He decided that I needed to go to Venezuela to meet with a supplier for him. I didn't tell him anything. I didn't tell him that I didn't want to go. I just agreed and went. I couldn't fly because of my passport so I had to drive to Panama and cross the Canal. His contact was supposed to pick me up on the other side and fly me to Maracaibo on his private plane. I had everything booked, only I didn't drive South. I drove North. I knew I had a good chunk of time to make it beyond his reach before he would know I was gone. I headed home. It was the only place I knew to go. I had no money. I had no where to go. I had given up."
"That fills in a lot of holes. How long did it take you to get to Wessington? Did you make any detours?"
He was more perceptive then she initially thought.
"Well I had some money. After all, Pablo was a drug trafficker. I siphoned off enough for the trip back. If you're asking if I made a straight shot from Costa Rica to South Dakota, then no. I didn't. That was the initial plan though. I'd like to think I knew this was where I was headed but in all honesty, no, no I didn't immediately plan to come home. I wanted to get back to the States, that's all."
"So how long? Days? Weeks? What?"
"I don't know. I wasn't keeping count. I was just having fun for once. Real fun. Going to baseball games. Eating ice cream. Walking on the beach."
"Janie. How long? This could be important."
"Why? What does all this really matter, anyway. If you think I killed Jason then you are out of your mind. That's just ludicrous."
"I don't think you killed him. But I need to know if any of the unsavory connections you made knew where you were from."
"What? Seriously? That's even more ridiculous! There is no way!"
"Janie, how long did it take until you showed up in Wessington."
She was growing uncomfortable. His accusations and assumptions were possible. She knew what Pablo was capable of. He wasn't the only one to be worried about. She had screwed a lot of guys. She didn't want to think that she was responsible for her brother's death. And she especially didn't want to think that they was the initial target.
"I uh, I don't know. I have to think about it. I got back at Christmas so..."
She was calculating in her head, retracing her journey.
"Um. The meeting was supposed to be September 5th in Venezuela. I left Costa Rica at the end of August--Oh, God"
"Calm down, Janie. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean that's why Jason was killed. But there are some things I have to look into"
"No. I know. I should have figured it out before this. Jason's murder was in mid-September. I should have known."
"Janie. Your mind hasn't been clear in a while. You've been a little clouded."
"I think I'm going to be sick. Pull over. Pull the car over!"
He eased to a stop on the shoulder. She threw open her door and fell out of the car. She heaved, but nothing came up. She heaved again. Nothing. She collapsed on the ground. Her eyes were wet. She was sweating. Kahle had stooped by her side trying to keep her calm.
"Come on Janie. Get back in the car. We'll be home soon. It's alright. I gotta get back so I can figure this out. It's OK. There's no reason to freak out right now."
"You don't get it. You don't have to prove it. I know. I already know."
"No you don't. Just let me look into it--"
He wanted to calm her down. He wasn't completely convinced with his own statements, but he had to reassure her, for now. She was enraged. She didn't want to be patronized.
"Don't you get it? I killed him. I killed my brother!"
She sat on the bench and waited. He should have been here by now. He said he was coming and yet there she was, alone, waiting. She needed someone to talk to. She needed social interaction. She needed distraction. The more she sat on that bench by herself, the more she thought about a bottle of Jack. She fantasized about it. She romanticized it.
She cleared her throat and tried to remember what she had learned in the past four weeks. Her mind was blank. She could only picture bottles, glasses, and flowing liquor. Blink.
"Focus Janie, focus. You can do this. It's been five minutes. You can do this."
She inhaled deeply, then slowly exhaled. She sat back and waited.
/ / /
He drove erratically. He had too much information. He wasn't sure what to do with it. He wasn't even sure what he could do with it. He didn't have a plan. He just drove. The sirens were on. The lights were flashing. Why weren't people getting out of his way? Didn't they see that this was important. He needed to get to Sioux Falls. He needed to get to Janie. He wasn't waiting for the go-ahead from Holt on this one. He was taking the lead. He was taking the reigns. He was taking over. He knew better, but he just couldn't sit on what he had. He knew too much. He had to act now.
He knew that it was a race against time. He knew Holt was on his way to pick up Janie from rehab. He knew that Holt was taking her home to Wessington. But he was making his play. Kahle drove with abandon. He maneuvered expertly through highway traffic. He was on a mission.
As he approached the rehab center, he could see her sitting, waiting, not for him, but for Holt. He was first. He had made it.
Kahle stepped out of the car and stepped to Janie's side.
"Janie Samuels?"
"Ye, yes."
"We haven't met. I'm Donny Kahle. I'm with the Sheriff's Department. Sheriff Holt is very sorry he couldn't make the trip, but official department business has detained him. I'm here to take you back to Wessington."
"Okay. I was expecting Sheriff Holt, but it doesn't make much of a difference to me."
He nodded and offered a hand to help her up. She placed her hand in his.
"Are you the deputy who has been working on my brother's case?"
"Um first, I'm not a deputy. I work for the county, mainly in forensics, but Dakota can be a slow gig."
"Sorry--"
"It's alright. And yes, I have been working the case. Doing a lot of research. I need to know all the players. And all the details. I'm, excuse me, we're going to solve this. We are. Don't think otherwise, not even for a moment."
"Good. I believe you. I feel your passion. It's refreshing. Throw everything you got behind this thing. I want this guy. I want him to rot."
"Well, I could actually use your help."
He opened her door and helped her into the car. Closing it, he returned to his side and took his place behind the wheel.
"How can I help?"
She seemed confused. She was hesitant.
"You've been away from Wessington for a while. You came home after Jason's death. Did Jake contact you? What brought you back?"
He didn't flinch. He didn't delay. He didn't waste a moment. He went right at the big question. Everything else could be figured out after she answered this one question. He didn't care about anything else. This was the only thing that mattered to the case he was now working. Her return could have played into Jason's murder. It could have. That's what he needed to determine. He needed her answer to make a decision. He needed to rule it out.
"I'd been doing some traveling abroad. It was just time."
She turned to him and smiled.
"You know how it is. It's just nice to come back to your own home after a vacation."
"Vacation? How long were you away?"
"Hmmm. Let me think."
He tried to pay attention to his driving. But he didn't like how this conversation was going. She was already relying on bullshit answers. He needed honesty.
"Janie. Let me just stop you right there. I need to know the truth, the details. I need to be able to rule out all possibilities so that I can catch the guy that killed your brother. I need you to be straight with me."
His eyes locked on hers. It was only for a second but it was long enough. He had an intensity about him. He always does. But in that moment it was amplified. She felt a shiver run down her spine. She knew he already knew. He just wanted to hear it from her. He wanted her to say the words. He wanted to verify his information. Central American countries weren't the best with keeping records. But he was confident in what he had discovered. He didn't doubt what he had learned.
She pulled her hair over one shoulder. She stroked the ends of her ponytail and turned to look out the window. It took a minute. Her eyes fell to her lap as her hands continued to play with her hair.
"I ran away."
"You ran away? I know Janie. Let's fast forward. I know what happened here, in the U.S. I need to know about Mexico, Belize, Costa Rica, Panama, Venezuela. I need to know."
"It sounds like you already know."
"Then humor me."
She pushed her feet forward and stiffened her back in the seat. She was frustrated. She didn't want to tell the story. She didn't want to remember. She wanted a drink.
"I had a game. I never really had to play it in Cali because most guys would just offer up the cash to avoid having any allegations of a rape against them."
She paused. He could tell she didn't want to recount what she was about to tell him.
"I was really good at holding my liquor. I could drink and drink and nothing. I didn't feel it. You would never have known. So I used to get wasted, well, these guys would think I was wasted. They'd play their game, hit on me, take me home, you know. So we'd do our thing. Whatever, I didn't care. They didn't know they were the ones being played. I'd wait til the next morning and then I'd make my move. I'd pretend I had been drunk. I'd freak out, start screaming, acting like I had been raped. Most guys couldn't deal. They literally would pay me whatever I demanded, just so I wouldn't press charges. I wasn't afraid because, as I'm sure you already know, I had my dad's shotgun. I can shoot. I wasn't afraid of getting in over my head. I knew I could take care of myself."
"Yeah, I know about your skilled shot."
She turned almost as if she was surprised. The corner of her mouth turned up. He could see her pride. She turned back to the desolate view beyond the glass.
"So in Mexico things were a little different. I couldn't play my game with locals because they didn't have any money. So I tried to focus on tourist locales. I'll admit, I wasn't prepared for it. Some of the guys just didn't care what I said, what I claimed. They didn't care what I reported. So I made reports. I went to the police, told my story. That's what it took. That's when wallets opened. But I was getting tired. The game was getting old. I took a trip to Belize. I just wanted to clear my head. I wanted to figure out what to do next."
"So Belize what just a vacation? I just couldn't fit it into the puzzle."
"Yeah. Everyone needs a vacation."
She smiled. She amused herself. But he could see that she was cold. It was as if she didn't have a soul. She did what she needed to. He didn't like it. She saw his reaction. She tried to recover.
"Um anyway. In Belize, I realized I didn't want to go back to Cancun. I was going to move on. But a girl's gotta eat so--"
"So you needed a new game."
She was beginning to like telling the story. She had never really recounted it so thoroughly. She was leaving out all the parts about the actual verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. She wasn't sure why. It was as if she was trying to build up her own ego. She knew Kahle couldn't really do anything about what she told him.
"Basically. So I went to Costa Rica. I met up with some guys. We were all just looking for some fast and steady cash. I was in Central America. I started dealing. Just dealing. But then things got complicated and I was tangled up in trafficking. I really didn't want to be involved in that. But I was with this guy. Pablo de Amantillo Even though I had messed up so many guys before, I couldn't seem to break away from this one. He just had this hold over me. I tried to run once and my truck literally broke down in the driveway. I thought he was going to kill me. That was the only time I was truly scared, afraid that I might die, that I might actually get my payback."
"What kind of drugs?"
"You know pretty basic. Marijuana mostly, some cocaine."
"Where were these drugs headed."
She didn't want to implicate herself. She wasn't stupid. She knew that if she said they were coming across the Rio Grande that she would be jeopardizing her own freedom.
"All over Central America. I'm not really sure though. I was involved in the arrival moreso. Pablo forced me to pick up shipments and take them to his warehouse mainly. Then he started asking for more. He started making me take longer trips. That's when I really wanted out. I was driving to Panama to pick up shipments. I don't know how he got them across the Canal, but he had a way. I was down there too many times to remember. Finally, he pushed me too far. He decided that I needed to go to Venezuela to meet with a supplier for him. I didn't tell him anything. I didn't tell him that I didn't want to go. I just agreed and went. I couldn't fly because of my passport so I had to drive to Panama and cross the Canal. His contact was supposed to pick me up on the other side and fly me to Maracaibo on his private plane. I had everything booked, only I didn't drive South. I drove North. I knew I had a good chunk of time to make it beyond his reach before he would know I was gone. I headed home. It was the only place I knew to go. I had no money. I had no where to go. I had given up."
"That fills in a lot of holes. How long did it take you to get to Wessington? Did you make any detours?"
He was more perceptive then she initially thought.
"Well I had some money. After all, Pablo was a drug trafficker. I siphoned off enough for the trip back. If you're asking if I made a straight shot from Costa Rica to South Dakota, then no. I didn't. That was the initial plan though. I'd like to think I knew this was where I was headed but in all honesty, no, no I didn't immediately plan to come home. I wanted to get back to the States, that's all."
"So how long? Days? Weeks? What?"
"I don't know. I wasn't keeping count. I was just having fun for once. Real fun. Going to baseball games. Eating ice cream. Walking on the beach."
"Janie. How long? This could be important."
"Why? What does all this really matter, anyway. If you think I killed Jason then you are out of your mind. That's just ludicrous."
"I don't think you killed him. But I need to know if any of the unsavory connections you made knew where you were from."
"What? Seriously? That's even more ridiculous! There is no way!"
"Janie, how long did it take until you showed up in Wessington."
She was growing uncomfortable. His accusations and assumptions were possible. She knew what Pablo was capable of. He wasn't the only one to be worried about. She had screwed a lot of guys. She didn't want to think that she was responsible for her brother's death. And she especially didn't want to think that they was the initial target.
"I uh, I don't know. I have to think about it. I got back at Christmas so..."
She was calculating in her head, retracing her journey.
"Um. The meeting was supposed to be September 5th in Venezuela. I left Costa Rica at the end of August--Oh, God"
"Calm down, Janie. It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean that's why Jason was killed. But there are some things I have to look into"
"No. I know. I should have figured it out before this. Jason's murder was in mid-September. I should have known."
"Janie. Your mind hasn't been clear in a while. You've been a little clouded."
"I think I'm going to be sick. Pull over. Pull the car over!"
He eased to a stop on the shoulder. She threw open her door and fell out of the car. She heaved, but nothing came up. She heaved again. Nothing. She collapsed on the ground. Her eyes were wet. She was sweating. Kahle had stooped by her side trying to keep her calm.
"Come on Janie. Get back in the car. We'll be home soon. It's alright. I gotta get back so I can figure this out. It's OK. There's no reason to freak out right now."
"You don't get it. You don't have to prove it. I know. I already know."
"No you don't. Just let me look into it--"
He wanted to calm her down. He wasn't completely convinced with his own statements, but he had to reassure her, for now. She was enraged. She didn't want to be patronized.
"Don't you get it? I killed him. I killed my brother!"
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