Dakota (Ch 19)

I tried to lean back. My back was stiff. It ached. I had been slumped in this position too long. I pushed off the desk with my left hand and straightened my back. The pen clung to my forehead for a moment before it fell to the desk. A pool of drool dampened the paper before me. I stretched in my chair. The ink had bled. I was sure there was ink on my face. I slowly climbed out of the chair and stepped out of the office.

There was a knock at the door. Finally, Holt was here. I hoped he had brought groceries. I was starving. And there was nothing here.

I changed directions and headed for the door. I pulled it open. It wasn't Holt. He wasn't there. It was much worse than that. Standing opposite me was the last person I wanted to see. Rebekah stood still. She was caught off guard by my condition. She hadn't heard. Of course, how would she have heard. I was somewhat surprised she hadn't already returned to Chicago. Was this the first time she returned since the accident? We looked like a strange couple. I stood with my arm in a cast, she with her leg encased. Neither of us moved. I stared at her. She stared at me. My stare was more fierce. I looked through her. I wanted to know why she was there. Did she really think this was going to work? Did she really think we were going to get back together? It had been nearly four months. She looked deep into my eyes. It was creepy. It was a longing sort of gaze. Blink. We both blinked.

"Rebekah."

"Jake, I'm sorry I had no ide--"

"Why are you here? What are you doing?"

"You don't mind if I come in do you? I really shouldn't be on this leg very long."

"Are you kidding me? You're using your broken leg to weasel your way into my house. No. No, Rebekah. We'll do this here. We'll talk right here."

"Jake, I'm not weaseling. Seriously, I need to sit down. Please."

"Dammit Rebekah. Damn you."

"Please, I just want to talk."

"You want to talk? Fine. We can talk. We can do this your way. The outcome will be the same. You, hear?"

"Fine."

"Sit down. Are you comfortable?"

"Mmhmm."

"Alright, I'll try to not be a total jerk. I'd offer you something but there is literally nothing here. I haven't exactly been able to get around or anything."

"That's alright. I'm fine. I just ate breakfast before I drove out."

"Drove out?" From where?"

I was still agitated. I didn't want her here. I didn't want to do this. I just wanted to punch her face and throw her out in the yard. Yeah, that's the extent of it. I just wanted to get her the hell out of my house and sit back with a glass of bourbon. I longed for it.

"Pierre. I'm at the Holiday Inn out there. Closest place to stay I think."

"Yeah, probably."

"Well, if you need a ride into town, I'd be happy to take you."

She was still blissfully unaware of my disinterest in her visit, my distaste for her existence. I was loathful. I shouldn't have been past this. But I wasn't. Who did she think she was? I don't care what your justifications are. You cheated. You cheated too many times. I'm not about to open myself up to more pain, to a future like this.

"That's not necessary. Sheriff Holt has been taking care of me. He sees that I get what I need."

"Oh, um, OK. I just...I just..."

"What?"

"What happened to you anyway. Last time I was here there was a girl passed out on the floor and a Sheriff at the door. What's been going on up here?"

"You don't know anything. Alright? Nothing."

"I don't understand. Can't you just tell me?"

"Yeah, I could. I don't really want to though. That's the problem. It doesn't really matter to you. You aren't a part of my life anymore. And I don't want you to be."

"That's it then. We're just going to turn around and go our separate ways."

"Yeah. That's it. You can't have your cake and eat it too, Rebekah. You can't. You made your choice. In fact, you made that choice twice. You chose him. Go be with him."

"But it was a mistake. That's not what I want. I want you. I realize that now. I'm sorry Jake. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didn't."

She had started to cry. Great, exactly what I wanted. A sobbing, sappy, crying Rebekah.

"Bullshit. It's all bullshit. You've said this all before. I'm not deaf. I get it. You told me this same story last time. I'm not going to hear it this time. I just don't care anymore. You made your choice. Now live with it. Get back in your Civic and take your sorry ass back to Chicago. Don't run out on your parents again."

"Parent."

"Parent?"

"Yeah. Dad died. He died while I was off living with you."

"You made that choice."

"I know. I know I did Jacob. Don't tell me what I did. Don't lecture me. I get it."

"Well then running away will only hurt your mom more this time. Go home. Go home to her."

"I'm here for you. She knows that. She knows I can't move on. I can't live. I can't exist. Not without you."

"You're delusional Rebekah. You just need to start thinking about moving on. Start making a life for yourself. Your own life. You're not a kid anymore. You were when you left with me, but you're not anymore. Grow up. Be a damn grown up. Make a life for yourself."

"Like you're making a life here? You're not fooling anyone Jake. I can read it on your face. You hate it here. Just come back. Come back. You belong in Chicago. With me. You need to be working. You can't just sit here for another forty years."

"I don't like it here? Really? You know what my face is telling you? Do you? I don't think you do."

"You hate it. I know you Jake. I know you. We were together too long--"

"You don't know anything. OK? Listen. Nothing. Nothing. You know nothing. The day I left Chicago? Remember? I walked in on my brother clinging to life on the kitchen floor. That kitchen floor."

I pointed behind me. I was adamant. I was mad. She didn't know me. She didn't know anything. I resented her assertions. I resented what she thought she knew. I was a different person now. I was not the Jake that had spent all those years with her.

"Jay died, Rebekah. Someone murdered him. Here. They murdered him here. And I wasn't here to stop it. I was too late. Mom and Dad are gone. I missed that too. My sister is home. Well, what's left of her. She's been self-destructive since she was a child. She's back. She sauntered in to town knowing even less than you. I don't know why. I have no idea why she's here."

"Jake--"

"She sent me hurtling down the stairs just after you left last week. My arm is so messed up. I almost died. Janie's in rehab now and I'm here alone again. Jay's friend Bobby was killed. Same way. There are no leads. That's it. That's everything. Is that what you knew? Is it?"

"Jake. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know any of it. I'm sorry."

"Listen just go please. I don't want to talk to you. We're not getting back together. I have enough going on in my life right now. I don't need you bringing your drama back in here after four months. It's over. If you don't get that, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for you. But it's over. There's nothing else to say."

"You need someone. You need me."

"That's where you're wrong. I don't. I don't need you. I don't them. I don't need anyone. I'm fine on my own. I am."

"No you're not. You said it yourself. There's no food here. What if he doesn't come?"

"I'll call him."

"What if he doesn't answer?"

"He'll answer."

"But what if he doesn't? You can't be out here all by yourself. You can't. You need someone. I want to help you Jake. I want to. Let me help you."

"No. Listen. It's not going to happen. We're not getting back together. You aren't going to just hobble in here, listen to my dark story, take care of me, and worm your way back into my life. No. We're done Beka. Done."

She sat up. She seemed to regain some confidence. She seemed less dejected. She looked intently into my eyes.

"No you listen to me Jacob. You need help. I'm going to help you, whether you like it or not. I'm not taking no for an answer. That's it. It's final. I'm not looking at this as us being back together. I know where you stand. I get it. I do. But I'm not leaving."