Dakota (Ch 2)

She took steps back, mouth still hanging agape. Picking up her bags, she considered her next move. Chicago was all she new. Chicago was home. She clutched her phone. She could call him. She could talk it out. She could fix this. She just wasn't sure she wanted to. She didn't try that hard to stop it. Did she want it to happen? Did she want this?

"Where do I go from here?"

She trudged up the steps of her parents bungalow. She hadn't been on this porch in nearly eleven years. The night they kicked her out. They hated her for choosing him. She couldn't go back now. But she had no choice. He was gone. He left. She had nothing. She couldn't survive on her own. She worked at Boutique Elegance bringing home a mere $200 a week. What else could she do? Her friends moved on. They were gone. She isolated herself the day she met him. Knock. Knock.

"Mom? Dad?"

Knock. Knock.

"Who is it?" came the soft voice from the other side of the wood and glass.

"It's, it's...it's Rebekah. It's me. I'm home."

The door opened slowly at first, then more abruptly. Marcie Dekolowitz couldn't believer her eyes. Her daughter was standing in front of her. Her daughter was standing on the front porch.

"Rebekah! I've missed you so much."

She lurched forward and wildly embraced her daughter. Rebekah stood steadfast, not moving. Tears began to flow. Both women could not hold back.

"Mom, mom."

She sobbed, drew in a long deep breath.

"Mom, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I chose him. I'm sorry I chose him over you. I didn't want to turn my back. But you left me no option. I'm sor--"

"Rebekah, dear, Rebekah"

She brushed the hair from her daughter's face.

"Rebekah, you're here now. That's what matters to me. I love you. I missed you terribly. But you've come home and I love you just the same. You're my little girl. Come in. Come inside."

"Thank you Mom. I love you so much. I wanted to come back so many times. I wanted to see you. I wanted to talk to you. There were so many times that I wanted to pick up the phone and talk to my mom. I'm sorry I never did. It was too hard. I couldn't do it. And the longer I waited, the harder it got."

"It's OK, Beka. Let's just sit and have some iced tea and talk about what brought you here today."

They stepped into the living room. It was unchanged. Rebekah felt as if she had stepped back in time. She suddenly felt younger. Eleven years and not a thing had changed inside that house. She slumped into the old sofa that faced out the bay window. It had been her favorite spot to sit growing up. She would look out at all the people hurrying past. Everyone had somewhere to be, someone to see, something to do. She feigned a smile and looked down at her lap. Her hands were trembling. She called into the kitchen.

"Where's Dad? Don't tell me he still works weekends! I used to hate that I never got to see him. I always wanted to go to the playgr--"

"Oh Beka! Rebekah!"

A glass crashed to the kitchen floor. Marcie quickly returned and perched herself on the coffee table, grasping her daughters hands.

"I thought you'd heard. Rebekah, your father, well..."

Rebekah's breath halted. She didn't want to hear the end of that sentence. She somehow immediately knew. She just didn't want to hear it come out of her mother's mouth.

"Your father died of lung cancer two years ago."

The bitter taste of those words made Rebekah's stomach turn. She should have been there. She should have been there for her mom. Why hadn't she picked up the phone? Why hadn't she waited through all those rings, until her mom had actually answered. Dialing was as far as she ever got. Dialing. She felt the pangs of her tragic choice. She would never see him again. She could never say 'I'm sorry.' She could never fix this.

"Mom, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't here. I should have been here for you. I should have been by your side."

"Your brother and I tried to reach you. We tried to find you, to call you. But no one knew where you were. Downtown. Uptown. Westside. Eastside. You moved so much everyone lost track."

"I'm sorry. I can't even think of what else to say to you. I can't begin to ask for your forgiveness. I missed him so much. I know he threw me out. I felt like he hated me then, but I knew. I knew he loved me and I loved him. I said awful things to him. I told him I hated him. I never fixed it."

"Hunny, he knew that you loved him. Even at the end, he knew he'd never get the chance to see you. He knew we'd looked but we just couldn't find you. But don't ever think that he didn't love you. He loved you with all his heart. And he knew you loved him. What's done is done. What's important is the steps you take from here, from this point forward."

Rebekah shifted her position. She sat back, released her mother's hands, and broke her mother's gaze. She looked past her, out the window.

"Mom, Jake ended it. I treated him so wrong. I took him for granted. He loved me. He truly loved me. I know that you and Dad never understood that. That you never agreed with the two of us being together. But he did love me. He never treated me wrong. I was his world. Was."

Marcie stood and moved next to Rebekah on the sofa. Rebekah looked back down at her lap. Her hands were still trembling. She stretched her fingers, clasped her palms, then released. She stared back at the twelve panes of glass between her and the world.

"I, well, I wasn't exactly faithful with Jake. I loved him, but I just, I don't know. I was stupid. I made bad decisions. I met this guy at the coffee shop on our corner and...and I didn't think twice. It was as if I didn't see the problem with cheating this one time. If it had been just once, well um...that would have been alright. But it transformed into something else. I was doing really good with my commissions at the boutique so I would downplay that to Jake, tell him things were just OK. I'd spend the extra time with Ryan. Jake thought I was working, he had no idea. Then my commissions started slowing down and Jake knew something was wrong. I confessed. He was furious; I'd never seen him that angry. We got through it though. He forgave me. He never forgot it but he forgave me and we moved on. We picked up and moved across town to get away from Ryan and the temptation for me."

"Oh Beka"

Marcie rested her hand on Rebekah's knee. Rebekah shifted uncomfortably, gaze unbroken from those twelve panes.

"Last week..."

She swallowed back tears. Deep breath.

"Last week, I was at the market. I came around the corner, looking for damn granola bars, and there he was...Ryan. It had been almost a year. It didn't matter. It only took a moment."

She shifted again, swallowed.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I gave in. That was Thursday. Jake was going out of town for work the following Friday, yesterday. I invited Ryan over, for the weekend. This morning...this morning Jake came home. They didn't need him in Lansing. He drove all night to get home, brought me roses. Except when he walked in--"

She took a long pause, fidgeted, her fingers entangling. Then she turned and looked her mother in eyes, tears building.

"When he walked in, Ryan and I were still in bed."

She turned back to the window

"He freaked. Ryan bolted. I had never told him about Jake. Jake threw the flowers, shattering the crystal vase against the brick wall. I was scared. I don't know what I was thinking. I don't know why I didn't see what I had. I loved him. I loved Jake. Ryan meant nothing. I just, I just, I was stupid. I didn't think. I just did."

Marcie reached out and embraced her daughter. Both cried. She consoled her daughter and released her.

"Hunny, just let it out. You'll figure this out. It'll be alright. You'll get through it. You'll make better decisions. You're home now. You're here...with me."

"I still love him! I do. But, he told me to pack. Said he'd be back in an hour. When he came back, he told me he called his boss. He was taking an extended leave from work. He needed to go home. Home to Dakota. He couldn't be in Chicago now, not after this. He packed his things, what he could, and loaded the car. We drove here and he kicked me out. He left. Why? Why was I so freaking stupid? Dammit Mom! I lost him!"

She sat, entranced with those twelve panes, unmoving.

"I loved him"

The tears flowed more freely now. She put her face in her hands. Her mother wrapped her arms around her. And they cried together.

Welcome home, Rebekah Dekolowitz, welcome home.